LuigiFan's Corner

Holyyyyyy Smokes

2011-03-25T03:16:00.000-07:00

Been a... erm... while since I last updated, eh?

To be honest, I actually forgot I had a blog.

Whoops.

I solemnly swear to update more,even if it means a paragraph a day regarding the shoes I saw in the store window and will just die if I don't buy them on payday.

...Those of you who know me know you will actually NEVER hear me talk about shoes worth dying for.

Ever.

What's up...

2010-10-15T15:10:00.000-07:00

Been busy, actually.

Found a new site called Pokéfarm. It's not bad, the egg-designs take a little guessing, and I wish there was a better way to load people's parties, but despite that it has a few nice features GPX doesn't have.

Been playing Super Mario sunshine, my birthday gift. I'm really liking it.

Been playing Pearl to try and get Palmer [the battle tycoon] to appear.

Been playing Chrono Trigger DS

Been playing Contact, an unusual DS game that's growing on me, actually...

Been playing a whole lot more, thanks to my *coughR4cough* but I'm not listing them all here.

Did a whole bunch of work for a neighbour over the course of 3 weeks, and that left me exhausted for a while.

Now I'm working on writing up a new series for my OC's inbetween writing out my Luigi Fanfiction.

That's all for now.

Collage Application (joke)

2010-09-04T22:01:00.000-07:00

Question:

Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?

Answer:

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only a Mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

This is why I don't associate with my neighbours.

2010-06-23T18:06:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it.

Our neighbour mowed the strip in front of our house - I have no idea why - but when he did, he shattered our sliding door.

And he's now bringing up the fact that my mother's wheelchair scratched his brand-new $600 skin on his fridge (when I dog-sat for him.) He says he'll replace our door if we replace his skin.

THAT WAS 5 YEARS AGO

He's bringing it up now? Bad taste, if you ask me.

Super Mario Galaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaxy 2

2010-06-06T15:52:00.000-07:00

I never thought I'd live to see the day when a sequel was as good as it's predecessor.

It must be a sign of the apocalypse.

I mean, come on. This is a sequel we're talking about, not a game just remade and ported out to a different console. [I'm lookin' at you, Mario Advance Series]

But seriously folks, this game has matched the expectations of the people. Miyamoto-san himself said he wanted to focus more on adventure then a plot, [since when have MARIO games had a deep plot anyways?] and he certainly delivers.

Spoilers will follow.

I mean it. Don't continue unless you know the ending already or have watched in on youtube. [no, I'm not giving a link; just type it in, because I was able to find it.]

Okay, here goes. Remember the Beeshroom, Booshroom, Fire Flower, Springshroom and Launch Stars?

They're still here.

A heap of new features have been added like a Rockshroom gives you a 'chunky' look and allows you to roll up into a boulder and smash things.
The Cloud Flower gives you the classic red and white palette, with cute poofy little pantaloons, cloudy accents around his throat and a similarly beehive-hairstyled cloudy cap.
Also making a brand new appearance is the power-up Spin Drill, a... well, drill... able to be carried and activated by spinning to dig into the dirt.

Luigi returns, [squee!] playable on a few levels until the game is beaten and he is then unlocked for every level you choose. His quirks like a longer jump and low traction return just the same.

And, perhaps the most exciting news, Yoshi is playable. [double squee!]

He's unlocked in the Yoshi Star Galaxy, [2nd galaxy, pictured,] and after defeating the guarding Magikoopa, the magical barrier dissolves around the Yoshi egg. Hundreds of 'egg nests' appear in nearly every galaxy, so from then on Yoshi is just a crack away.

He possesses a lot of the classic SMW styles, like his ravenous appetite, and can eat most enemies harmful to an unsaddled Mario.

Ground Pounding is disabled. Throwing eggs is disabled. Flutterjumping isn't. Also, unlike Super Mario Sunshine, Yoshi can swim this time, but he can't dive.

When riding, Yoshi can shake his head side to side to break objects, seeing Mario/Luigi cannot use the Spin.

He can also use his tongue to swing up vaguely-reminiscent daisy flowers [they're called grapple flowers,] that look like they're straight out of SMW2: Yoshi's Island.

If Mario gets hit while on Yoshi, he'll buck the portly plumber off his back and run away, stopping at edges, sweating and mumbling fearfully.

Like Mario Sunshine, Yoshi can eat fruit with different effects. Instead of spewing juice, however, his effects take place instantly on a time limit.

The pear-shaped Bulb Berry will cause Yoshi to turn yellow and emanate a temporary bioluminescence in the room around him.

The round Blimp Fruit will cause Yoshi to turn blue and become grossly [and comically] oversized, floating lighter than air while making squeaky balloon sounds.

Lastly, the Dash Pepper will cause Yoshi to turn orange. Fire and sirens go off and he shoots forward, so much as even blurring the screen while running up hills, vertical faces, and even across water.

They seriously overdid it with his cuteness. Yoshi is hardcore kawaii, from his introductory pose to his chortles and crooning.
Hello Kitty ain't got nothing on him.

Finally, the technical grunge. The controls are the same as the original Galaxy, so previous gamers like myself won't have any trouble. The graphics are just as breathtaking and interactive as before. The soundtrack is absolutely stunning, just like the first. New enemies and old enemies make an appearance, and the ways to beat bosses are not too hard, yet still ingenious.

All in all?
If you played Galaxy 1, get this. You'll love it.
If you didn't play Galaxy 1, get this. You'll love it too.
There's 90% new material in the game and you won't be disappointed.
I myself WILL HAVE THIS GAME. =3

Get all the dirt on this game and more on MarioWiki

Lolz

2010-03-14T18:44:00.001-07:00

True story

I woke this morning, and mother promptly announced it was 1:00.

I yelled back at her my clock said only 1:58, which is closer to 2:00.

So she looked up on her computer, and replied it was indeed 2:00. But why were the manual clocks wrong?

This went on for a few minutes, and finally I thought to look at the calendar, and saw that DST had taken effect today. I reported my findings.

"Daylight Savings happened today!" I snap, put in a foul mood from a quite unpleasant awakening.

"Ahhh," she says in that annoying know-it-all tone of hers, "that would do it."

"Well, we solved the mystery of the missing time and space." I quip before falling back on the bed and falling asleep for another hour.

Winter-een-mas Log

2010-02-01T02:44:00.000-08:00

Game List: Jan 25th
Pokémon Pearl - DS - 4 hours
Wii Sports, tennis - Wii - 2 hours
Billiards, 9-ball - stardard table - 1/2 hour
Super Mario Bros. 3 - NES - 1 hour

Game List: Jan 26th
Myst V: End of Ages - PC - 3 1/2 hours
Pokémon Pearl - DS - 2 hours
Super Mario Advance 3: Yoshi's Island - GBA->DS - 3 hours

Game List: Jan 27th
Mario Kart Wii - Wii - 2 hours
Pokémon Pearl - DS - 3 hours
Super Mario Advance 3: Yoshi's Island - GBA->DS - 1 hour

Game List: Jan 28th
Super Mario Advance 2: Super Mario World - GBA->DS - 4 hours
Scrabble (2 games) - board - 2 1/2 hours
Super Smash Bros. Brawl - Wii - 1 1/2 hours

Game List: Jan 29th
I played nothing today. I was feeling a little sick so all I did was rest.

Game List: Jan 30th
Still feeling a bit unwell
Played some Myst V: End of Ages

Game List: Jan 31st
GOIN' OUT WITH A BANG (last day, and all...)
Luigi's Mansion - GC->Wii - 2 hours (2 wasted hours, IMHO)
Mario Super Sluggers - Wii - 1 1/2 hours
Pokémon Pearl - DS - 2 hours
Super Mario Advance 4: Super Mario Bros. 3 - GBA->DS - 2 hours
Super Mario Advacne 2: Yoshi's Island GBA->DS - 1 hour
Children of Mana - DS - 1 hour

Happy Winter-Een-Mas 2010
'til next year!

Loot

2010-01-15T14:10:00.001-08:00

Well, total haul of christmas gifts from mother are:
a silver chain
a Tablo
a Snuggie
a box of special tea I like
a DS card of 40+ games
a year-long subscription to an antivirus program
a silver-heart necklace

...

...And...

...

A bible.

Jeez, another one I won't read?
I'll go put it on the shelf with the other SEVEN.

Oy, the PAIN

2010-01-08T17:06:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I have impacted wisdom molars, and recently I had a tiny piece chip off, and turns out the gum (and obviously, nerve,) is exposed a bit.

I'm settling a medical dispute, but as soon as that is cleared, I'll have to have them pulled out, because apparently it's hard to keep them properly clean, and I'm not the only one who's had them start to decay.

To remove them I have to go into the hospital, because dentist don't remove wisdom's.

But regarding the title of the post, I've been chewing on my left side so as to avoid chewing on my right, and only 3 times did I cause myself pain; once when the tooth chipped and I foolishly felt it with my pinkie; twice when eating dinner (rice with egg and peas,) and just now with an egg sandwich.

Some food got moved over to the right side without my actual knowledge, and it only took one distracted chaw before my vision went spotty and black. I spat it onto my plate and checked, (yes, I worry too much,) but I didn't bleed or anything.

Oh, the pain is agonizing.

Though when I cut an inch into my thigh muscle with an X-acto knife, (Don't ask. please don't ask, it was my own foolish mistake.) and bled and went into shock, that was worse.

But this rates second, no doubt.

Christmas parties

2010-01-04T19:23:00.000-08:00

If you threw a party, the worst thing you could have done was throw the kind of party where your guests, the next day, call you up to say they had a nice time. Now you'll be expected to throw another great party next year.

What you should have done was throw the kind of party where your guests wake up several days from now and call their lawyers to find out if they've been indicted for anything. You want your guests to be so anxious to avoid a recurrence of your party that they immediately start planning parties of their own, a year in advance, just to prevent you from having another one.

So next time, make sure your party reaches the correct Festivity Level:

Festivity Level One:
Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling at hors d'oeuvres.

Festivity Level Two:
Your guests are talking loudly--sometimes to each other and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing "I Gotta Be Me" around the upright piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down hors d'oeuvres.

Festivity Level Three:
Your guests are arguing violently with inanimate objects, singing "I Can't Get No Satisfaction," gulping other people's drinks, wolfing down Christmas-tree ornaments, and placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright piano to see what happens when the little hammers strike them.

(You want to keep your party somewhere around Level Three, unless you rent your home and own firearms, in which case you can go to Level Four.)

Festivity Level Four:
Your guests have hors d'oeuvres smeared all over their bodies, are performing a ritual dance around the burning Christmas tree, and have consumed all ten gallons of alcohol at the party. The piano is missing.

The best way to get to Level Four is eggnog. To make eggnog, you'll need rum, whiskey, wine, gin and, if they are in season, eggs. Combine all ingredients in a large, festive bowl. If you use enough alcohol you won't have to worry about them getting salmonella poisoning--their alcohol toxicity level will eliminate that possibility. Then induce your guests to drink this potent mixture.

If your party is successful, the police will knock on your door. If your party is very successful, the police will then lob tear gas through your living-room window. As host, your job is to make sure they don't arrest anybody. Or, if they're dead set on arresting someone, your job is to make sure it isn't you. The best way to do this is to show a lot of respect for their uniforms and assure them you're not doing anything illegal. Here's how to handle it:

Police: "Good evening. Are you the host?"

You: "No."

Police: "We've been getting complaints about this party."

You: "About the drugs?"

Police: "No."

You: "About the guns, then? Is somebody complaining about the guns?"

Police: "No, the noise."

You: "Oh, the noise. Well, that makes sense, because there are no guns or drugs here. (An enormous explosion is heard in the background.) Or fireworks. Who's complaining about the noise? The neighbors?"

Police: "No, the neighbors fled inland hours ago. Most of the recent complaints have come from several miles away. Do you think you could ask the host to quiet things down?"

You: "No problem. (At this point, a Volkswagen bug with primitive religious symbols drawn on the doors emerges from the living room and roars down the hall, past the police and out the front door onto the lawn, where it smashes into a tree. Eight guests tumble out onto the grass, moaning.) See? Things are starting to wind down."

Christmas Whiskey Cake

2009-12-21T14:48:00.000-08:00

1 cup butter

2 cups sugar

6 large eggs

2 teaspoons baking powder

3 cups flour, sifted

1/2 t. salt

1 cup bourbon

1 pound pecans, chopped

3 cups white raisins (or use candied fruit)

1 t. nutmeg

AND

~ a very large bottle of bourbon whiskey ~

First, sample the whiskey to check for quality.

Assemble all of the ingredients. Check the whiskey again.

To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat this step.

Turn on the electric mixer and beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and cream until beat.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay... try another cup.

Turn off the mixer. Beat six leggs and add to the bowl, then chunk in the cup of dried flut. Mix on the tuner.

Throw in two quarts of flour. Gradually pour in the cow.

Add 2 dried anything.

If the fried druit gets struck in the beaters, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey and check it again for tonsistency.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.

Check the whiskey again.

Now sift the nutmeg and strain your nuts. Add one table.

And the spoon. Of whiskee. Or something. Whatever you find left.

Grease the oven.

Turn the crake pan to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Pour the oven into the batter. Throw the bowl out the window.

Lick the batter off the floor.

Bake 300 minutes at 50 degrees.

Finish the blobble of whishy and flow to bed.

IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS?

2009-12-14T14:50:00.000-08:00

As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist cihldren, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seemes logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/ million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal anount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons.

Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. (the ship)

5) 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enourmous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim)would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve,
he's dead now.

Busy, busy, busy (lies)

2009-12-11T15:21:00.000-08:00

Well, it's Christmas. Ugh.

I just don't feel any anticipation this year. There's no willingness, no wanton. Frankly, I don't care if I receive anything or not.

Now HER...

She lives for Christmas. 'Oh, we have to remember it's the birth of our Saviour.'
Your Saviour, thanks, I'm not the one sucked into an online cult, giving all our extra money away to them. That doesn't sound like a loving god to me, one that demands all excess cash.

We're struggling for bills, and she's giving over 140.00 tithe to them. We currently have 2 loaves of bread, condiments, 1 pack of processed cheese slices, 1 can of tuna, 2 canned soups, potatoes and a bag of rice. And two people are supposed to survive off of this. It just blows my mind, how it's even possible for her to do this.

She demanded I bring down the decorations for her. So I got two(we have 7) boxes of decorations for her, and she's going to decorate the livingroom.

Despite no one will see.

'Oh, but if we have a gathering Jim and Marilyn will come'

Yes, IF we have a gathering. May I point out the fact we have no food in the cubboards?

What I wouldn't do for a nice roast. But then, MEAT is ANOTHER story.

I hate my life.

Hello

2009-12-11T14:31:00.000-08:00

I suppose I owe an explanation to the brusque post earlier. Mother has been controlling my life, and she just won't let it be.

I'm 22 years old. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that past adulthood?

I'm not incapable of taking care of myself; I can sort laundry, cook without burning the house down, keep a tidy space, have intelligent thought, can hold a job... All necessary traits for self-sufficiency.

I wish I could tell her stuff. See, she's tricky to understand; if she likes something, good, but if she doesn't, then you'd better not bring it up. And her blind devotion to her online cult doesn't help either.

For example, I like Pokémon. She doesn't, and that's the end of it. She won't even play the Pokémon Trainer in Brawl. But the ultimate hypocrisy is she'll play Lucario and Jigglypuff. I don't tell her they're Pokémon to or else she'd never play me. And she refuses to say it properly. "Pokaymons"

Another, I like dragons. She can't stand them, as the only dragon she knows of is the forme of Satan, and because of that I can't show her most of my adoptables or photos.

She liked Zelda games until she asked about them more and I was telling her about the three Goddesses and the Triforce. To her, anything with an alternate god is bad.

She liked Mario games until I told her about the Star Spirits and how they hold Plit(their world) in balance.

I tried explaining how the characters use magic. She would hear none of it.
Bowser flames, due to being half-dragon half-koopa.
Link's connection with the Triforce of Courage.
Yoshi and his inexplicable appetite.
Mario can summon pyrokinesis between his palms.
She said 'do you have to ruin it for me?'

So, according to her; magic, gods/spirits and creatures are okay so long as she doesn't have to acknowledge their existence.

And then there's the religion.

Ugh.

I was raised Christian, mainly because I didn't have any choice. I didn't know about other religions, and was under the assumption anything else was 'bad' and should never be known about.

In other words, brainwashing in a communistic household.

Personally, I live with no religion at all. I'm not an athiest, but if she wants to do weekly prayers, I can certantly go through the motions and say what she wants to hear. I can pray so convincingly that anyone wouldn't tell the difference. But it's all a lie.

I'm making decisions for myself, and I think it scares her.

ARGH

2009-12-07T13:41:00.000-08:00

Jeezuz, my mother is so annoying!
She's so goddamn controlling!

I can't even go for a walk without her attackig me as soon as I enter the door!

WAKE UP WOMAN

I'm an adult. You've raised me, so leave me be to live my life!

Random morning minis

2009-10-12T00:06:00.000-07:00

mini
Malachi, Crystal and Murak meet Cam for the first time (alt universe )

Murak: (reading, the door knocks) human. answer it.

Malachi says:
Mal: (goes over, opens it and Cam's there) can i help you undress?

Cam: ...what WAS THAT?

Mal: I SAID 'Can I help you with something?'

Cam: is this 4 Beresford road?

Mal: yeah

Cam: (walks in) I was told I was going to have a guest voice in the simpsons

Malachi says:
Mal: sorry girl, dunno who told you that, but round these parts... we lie.

Malachi says:
Cam: you little bitch.

Murak: (glances over) do i detect someone else calling my bitch 'bitch'?

Malachi says:
Cam: (glances around) you people are all lunatics! you're all screwed up and put in here like freaks! am i really expected to live here!?

Mal: ...thanks for tiptoeing around our feelings.

Cam: ...fine, uncalled for, can someone show me around?

Cryst: i'll do it! (gestures around) over here is where we....

Murak: ...what is this feeling? its like the world's better just because she's here; even if i can't be with her, just knowing shes happy is enough for me. what is this?

Mal: thats love.

Murak: really?

Mal: yeah... or cancer.

Malachi says:
(the girls)
Cryst: we're all close here, we look for for eachother.

Cam: ...really? all i saw was the white haired one killing the brown haired boy.

Cryst: oh, thats just Murak being annoying, other than the occasional murder, we're all friends, isn't that right al?

Al: ....today i woke up on fire.

Malachi says:
Cam: Cryst, the white haired guy seems interesting, what's he like?

Cryst: (imagines what Murak would say)

imaginary murak: tell her the truth, i kill you.

Cryst: ...he's very.... umm.... stabby? no, er... a good lead-no. .....pass....ion...ate?

cut to murak

Murak: KILL THE HERETIC!!

Mal: thats a priest!

Murak: DROWN HIM IN HOLY WATER!!

Crystal says:
he's awful

Malachi says:
yes

Crystal says:
I like him though

Malachi says:
Murak: Mal, you're a woman, how should i ask cam out?

Mal: i'm not a woman.

Murak: you cried during the lion king, you're a woman.

Al: BURN

Murak: ...go away.

Al: (sniff) you never include me anymore.

Mal: first off, Mufasa's death was emotional, second, tell her how you feel, express your emotions.

Murak: i could do that, but i might not be a total girl about it.

Mal: this was just an excuse to insult me, wasn't it?

Murak: yes. yes it was.

(later)

Cryst: (has a camcorder) he's going to ask her! this is going to be great!

Mal: yeah! everyhing's ready!

(they watch intently as murak walks over to cam)

Murak: hey cam, wanna go out this saturday? dinner and a movie.

Cam: okay, sounds good.

(cut to mal and cryst)

total silence for several minutes...

Cryst: ...i'm disappointed.

Mal: i don;t know how, but i'll be damned if i can't find a
way to blame this on Al

Crystal says:
it's always Al's fault

Malachi says:
liek?

Crystal says:
yes
what does Murak say when he decides to approach her?

Malachi says:
when?

Crystal says:
now
oh, wait, it loaded

Malachi says:
before or after he asked her out?
ah

Crystal says:
we all expected something more... climatic

Malachi says:
looks that way

although

over at the house, its not always murder, dating and making bombs out of toilet paper, we have our lighter moments

scene
Mal; (with the camcorder) let's go mur, we need to do it before dark.

Murak: okay, count me down.

Mal: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, action!

Murak: welcome to the first episode of our new series.... throwing darts at fat people!

(cut to murak on the street)

Murak: 'ere we have a perfect example of a fat person.

fat person: why can't you leave me alone? i didn't-

Murak: he's coming straight for us! Cam! throw some darts at bitchy- McLardBucket over here!

(Cam throws darts at him)

fat man: MY FAT ONLY MAKES ME A LARGER TARGET!!

Crystal says:
not our problem :P

Malachi says:
(Mal and murak watch the fat man cry as cam throws darts at him)

Mal: we are so going to hell.

Murak: i stopped caring when i burned the orphange down to avoid jury duty.

Crystal says:
this is good stuff, i'm crying

Malachi says:
it is?

Crystal says:
yes , i am so posting this

Malachi says:
i am to please

Crystal says:
and for the toilet

(inside joke)

Crystal says:
can you imagine Murak running for president?

Malachi says:
how do you know my secret!? :O
....yes.
mini

Crystal says:
or worse, winning?

Malachi says:
Murak is facing against a owl in the presidental campaign

Murak; and if elected, i promise a cap in every ass and some pot in every chicken!

crowd: HUGE ROAR

owl: (cleans itself)

Crowd: (bigger roar)

Murak: ...ITS JUST A DAMN POPULARITY CONTEST WITH YOU!

Crystal says:
these people are easy :P

Malachi says:
hey

Malachi says:
can you imagine if murak went to a playground?

Crystal says:
save the children!
(dives into a boy, only to smash head against a brick wall, rendering self useless)

Malachi says:
Cam: (sees murak comes back) where were you all day?

Murak:I went to a playground.

Cam: (sigh) how many did you murder this time?

Murak: I am deeply offended that you of all people would accuse me of such a rehensible crime!

cam: (glares at him)

Murak: ...is drowning a kid in scotch sych a crime?

Cam: (smiles as she kisses him) only in mexico.

Malachi says:
overall, i think cam and murak can't have anyone else put up with them

although we have a paradox...

Murak once destroyed a fair portion of parents in a country

then poisoned the meat and fed it to orphans

most of which were only orphans because of him

Crystal says:
magic :D
it's the answer for everything

~~~~~~~

Yes, we are insane, why do you ask?

Mmmmyeah...

2009-10-04T14:41:00.000-07:00

Mornings are for sleeping and for playing games

Afternoons are for procrastinating

Evenings are for doing the work that I meant to do during the day

Nights are for playing more games and then sleeping

At least that's how my life seems to work

I so want this on my car.

2009-09-28T18:39:00.000-07:00

Or my laptop for that matter.

Well, (I have a twin)

2009-09-10T05:03:00.000-07:00

No, not real... Cam fills that role :P

It seems that there's another person in the world that also goes by the moniker "luigifan", so I thought to lay out a few notes.

I go by LuigiFan - note the caps in the middle.
I used to be LuigiFan4Ever, and on some places, still am.

My places I'm affilated with are:
DeviantArt,
Valenth,
Dragonadopters,
Dragcave,
GPXPlus,
Arvyre,
Lemmy's Land,
Lemmy's Forum,
Cyndaquil,
Urban Dead,
Youtube,
FanFiction.Net,
4shared,

...and that's all I can think of right now.
I'll update this as I wander along.

And so she rises from the grave like an undead Dry Bones...

2009-09-03T18:31:00.000-07:00

Yes, hello anyone who even bothers to read this thing anymore.

I have been alternating between super-busy and super-lazy.

My 9-10 morning consists of spending a few hours:
checking my Dragons for maturation or sickness,
clicking the Valenths,
feeding Akane and the gang and checking their levels,
checking GPXPlus and hatching my eggs and returning clicks,
checking DeviantArt,
checking my three email accounts,
playing an hour or two of Pokemon Pearl,
and finally, getting up to make my own breakfast.

My afternoons involve:

doing whatever work Mother drags me into (and seeing she's in a wheelchair, that usually means everything,)
or gaming for hours,
or writing for hours,
or spriting my comic for hours,

My nights (after dinner,) consist of:

playing Brawl, Mario Kart, sometimes tennis (which I p'wn)
watering my berries and checking my trades in Pearl,
a few stars in Super Mario 64DS,
talking with my fiance for 3-4 hours until I'm too tired,
and go to bed around 4:00am.

On my weekends if I can get away from mother and her *coughradicalreligiousonlinecultcough* I'm free to do whatever I want, which is usually along the lines of more writing/spriting/gaming.

I might walk into town for banking, ect. or groceries.
I usually have to mow the backyard and do the gardening.

Why am I writing this?

I'm depressed and sick, you tell me.

This is not a new post.

2009-07-21T15:56:00.000-07:00

And history repeats itself...

2009-07-09T17:49:00.000-07:00

NEW VALENTHS!

(Yes, I know I'm incorrigible...)

Update

2009-07-06T18:36:00.000-07:00

Well, not much has happened, even worth posting a new post, but here goes...

I'm playing SM64DS and have 31 stars.
I unlocked Snake and Sonic in Brawl.
I'm levelling up in Pokemon Pearl, because I got my @$$ handed to me in the 2nd gym.
I'm playing FF4 and just beat the Mist Dragon (after 4 tries,) lost my partner Kain, got Rhyda the Summoner, and discovered my wench-girlfriend unconscious in an inn.

That is all.
(Gawd, my life is boring)

Edit: New poll! Go vote! Now!

Birthday Loot

2009-06-25T18:09:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm sitting here eating beef-flavoured Mr. Noodles, and suddenly I realize I should make a post as I have an obligation to my *coughTWOcough* readers!

So here it is.

Well, I did get quite a few things for my birthday, which was yesterday, the 24th.

- Super Smash Bros. Brawl. (yessssss!)
- A Nintendo DS, crimson red.
- Luigi's Mansion, which I had wanted for ages.
- A Gamecube Paddle.
- Mario Power Tennis.
- New glasses.
- A very nice, very *cough* expensive green satin evening dress.
- And a package from my sweetheart, which has treats and personal things in it, and this outstanding toffee from the gods. ^^

And I got a Darkrai.

2009-06-23T17:44:00.001-07:00

Yay!

...nothing else I want to report right now, other than I GOT A NINTENDO DS FOR MY BIRTHDAY!
Crimson red!
Booyah!

Boralions

2009-06-18T13:19:00.000-07:00

BORALIONS REAPPEARED AT VALENTH!

...As if 66 others weren't enough. @_@

...what goes here again?...

2009-06-18T04:59:00.000-07:00

Oh, right, a new post filled with new info.

We-lll... I have no new info, really.
Still working on the Pokémon story.

Check out the updated LF & M's Gallery I you want, I finished it today.
*looks at clock* Er, make that yesterday.
It has all the Pokémon that 'Murak' (fiancé) and I have hatched so far.

^^

Busy, busy, busy...

2009-06-14T20:58:00.001-07:00

Let's see...
I've become hooked by a new adoptables site.

Global Pokédex Plus allows you to adopt Pokémon eggs, which hatch and level up by clicks.

As of this moment, I've got 31 hatched Pokés.

I've adopted four new Valenth types, but more on that here.

I'm currently working on a Pokémon story, poignant letters from a boy to his father during a war, as well as a murder mystery in a haunted mansion.

Moar teh follow. ^_0

Parrot Jokes

2009-06-14T06:58:00.002-07:00

Cheap Parrot
A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00, which seemed awfully cheap.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then found it kind of amusing.

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Bob!"

Mean Parrot
Mrs. Davidson's dishwasher quit working so she calls a repairman. Since she has to go to work the next day, she tells him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish-washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. Oh, by the way, don't worry about my bulldog; he won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances, talk to the parrot!"

When the repairman arrives at Mrs. Davidson's apartment the next day, he discovers the biggest and meanest BullDog he has ever seen. But just as she said, the dog just lays there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his business.

The Parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Sic him, Spike!"

Rude Parrot
A young man named Jon received a parrot as a gift.

The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

Jon tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally Jon was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.

The parrot yelled back.

Jon shook the parrot and the parrot got even angrier and more rude.

Jon in desperation, threw up his hands and grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then, suddenly there was total quiet, not a peep was heard.

Fearing that he had hurt the parrot, Jon quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jon's outstretched arm and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions."

"I am sincerely remorseful for any inappropriate transgressions."

"I fully intend to do everything I can do to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior".

Jon was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

He was about to ask the parrot why he had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, but the bird continued... "May I ask what the turkey did?"

Quiet Parrot
A lady desiring companionship bought a parrot from a local pet store, complete with cage. Before purchasing it she asked for a guarantee that it would talk and was assured that it would.

She took the parrot home. Then, a week and a half later, she returned to the store very disappointed.

"The parrot doesn't talk."

"Did you buy a mirror?"

"No."

"Every parrot needs a mirror."

So she bought a mirror and installed it in the parrot's cage. Another week and a half went by and she returned again.

"The parrot still doesn't talk."

"Did you buy a ladder?"

"No."

"Every parrot needs a ladder." So she bought a ladder and installed it in the cage. Another week and a half passed and she returned yet again.

"The parrot still doesn't talk."

"Did you buy a swing?"

"No."

"Every parrot needs a swing." So she bought a swing and installed it in the cage. A week and a half later she returned. She was furious! The store owner asked, "Did the parrot talk?"

"No!, he died."

"Oh, that's terrible. Did he say anything before he died?"

"Yes."

"What?"

"He gasped 'Don't they have any food down at that store?'"

Costly Parrot
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on an exotic parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.

Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid. The fine bird was finally his! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"

"Don't worry," said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

Smart Parrot
A guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings.

"Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.

"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.

"I fall off my perch you fool!!" screeches the parrot.

Horny Parrot
A woman had a female parrot which kept saying: "Hello, I am very horny. Do you want to have some fun?"

She was frantic, so she went to her Pastor to find a solution to the problem. The Pastor said, "Bring your bird to my house. I have two male parrots who read the bible and pray all the time. They will be a good influence on her."

So, the woman brought the parrot to his house and put her parrot into the cage with the two male birds. She squawked, "Hello, I am very horny. Do you want to have some fun?" One male parrot looked at the other one and said, "Put away the Bible, our prayers have been answered."

When Hell Froze over

2009-06-14T06:58:00.001-07:00

The following is allegedly an actual question given in a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their faith, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can reliably project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.

If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.
So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman year that, "it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls,leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being, which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God!"

(Allegedly this student received the only A.)

What am I?

2009-06-01T04:44:00.000-07:00

What kind of pirate am I?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Commencement

2009-05-29T16:56:00.000-07:00

I never had the opportunity - and simultaneous torture - of writing a speech before, and it's painful.

Seriously. >_<

It's not the speaking in public, it's the actual writing of it that's getting me down.

Google's no help to find an example. :/

And I only have 6 days left to come up with a short 3-minute speech. :O

*grumble*

I'm going outside to weedwhack.

My cat is milktreading the tail of Spence.

2009-05-29T14:56:00.000-07:00

Not that it doesn't feel good...

Lookie what I can do now...!

My trip is just around the corner.

I would like to take this oppertunity to say I will not be clicking any Dragcave / Valenth / Dragonadopters / Aryvre pets while I'm away.

And I'll be having fun at the beach, you suckers.

YAAAAAYYYYY

2009-05-27T19:21:00.000-07:00

I GOT BRAWL

Mother bought me Super Smash Bros. Brawl for my birthday, and gave it to me early!

Soon as I set it up, my code's here for anyone to play me!

News

2009-05-25T21:18:00.000-07:00

Well, on June 4th, I'm off for a short 3-day vacation in White Rock.

In other news, my birthday is coming up. (June 24th)
And I'm starting a webcomic... soon.

Quantum of Silence

2009-05-21T04:07:00.000-07:00

Well, with the exception of Huggy getting a concussion apparently caused from being clipped from a car, and then dying at the vet's only two hours later, I'm just peachy.

Okay, so I'm still upset.

I was the one who let him in the back door. He came galloping in as usual, which is why I didn't think anything was wrong. Not twenty minutes later I found him on the floor. I wouldn't have heard him if I didn't want some gingerale, and the almost silent miaow he managed from behind the door.

I opened it up to realize he hadn't run ahead of me like usual, and see him on the floor. He was limp as a noodle, and unresponsive to me, yet flicking his tail. He was miaowing piteously, and trying to stand up. I thought it might be dehydration, (it was hot,) but when he tried to stand - and fail - I realized this was worse.

After a hot discussion with mother insisting he needed to get to Dr. Bates' office, (and which was worth more, his life or the cost,) I bundled him up and headed to Agassiz. Dr. Bates is a lovely English chap (that most call only a horse-doctor, but I like him,) who quickly diagnosed it was a concussion from a blow to the head, and he was in shock. I left him at the office with the promise of an overnight IV, x-rays, and phone call.

Unfortunately, at 8:51 that call came in. Huggy was given a pain shot, but died. Only three hours after I found him. Gone.

I'm sorry, this is hard to recall still...

I really thought Huggy would make it. He's tough as nails, and OWNED our neighbourhood. He bossed all the other cats around, and had been known to hop backyards and eat the neighbours' dogs' food. Yeah, he's suicidal. He was a big cat - not fat, oh not at all. He was all fur. You could literally grab two handfuls of fur.

And he had the loveliest disposition - I would trust him with a newborn babe. He was a loafer, and he never wanted to admit it, but he was a cuddler. He loved his belly rubbed, and that spot under the collar where the fur wears thin. He was so notorious for losing his collars - I finally paid good money for a tanned red leather one with a dinglebell. I replaced that bell every few weeks, but he finally kept the collar on.

He never learned to miaow. They say it's because he was weaned too soon, and I think that added to his character. The most you'd ever get is a squeak out of him if he wanted out. And oh! if he wanted out, you had better run for the door, and quick, or else he'd jump on the bookshelf or the table or the counter, pawing the windows.

He was only seven years old - still quite young.

Picture

I could use a hug. *cries*

I feel so broken.

2009-05-18T20:23:00.000-07:00

Song

My cat died tonight.

SMB3 Mural

2009-05-05T02:11:00.000-07:00

You know, sometimes you come across something that really makes you appreciate human ingenuity and dedication to a project.

This isn't one of those.

What you're looking at it is a 17,000 push-pin mosaic mural, a product of three revisions and a total of two and a half semesters of work. The final revision took a whopping two months of work by the CIS Student Association at the University of the Fraser Valley, and it's currently sitting in the Student Computing Center over there.

17,000 push-pins, wow -- impressive work! And, whether you like the piece or not, I think we can all agree that these kids should be expelled for ganking office supplies.

More -> SMB3 Mural

The Merciless Peppers of Quetzlzacatenango

2009-05-05T01:56:00.000-07:00

Man, that title owns.

Okay, not that any of you out there actually care (because as far as I know, I only have ONE reader...) but this is a summery of my current projects.

- Finish Mario Galaxy to unlock Luigi Galaxy, w00t! (4 stars left, squee!)
- Finish The Great Race (sprite comic)
- Finish novellas 1-7
- Finish Luigi Mario, P.I.
- Finish The Legend of Mario and sequel.
- Finish all my 28+ other wip fanfiction stories.
- Finish modding Pkmn Ruby or Sapphire (or Emerald. Still undecided.)
- Create new Pkmn sprites for the game.
- Start Mario & Luigi's Pkmn Vacation
- Raise my adoptables.
- Clear out that crate FULL of half-written story scraps.

- Start to organize my life.

UPDATE of epic proportions...

2009-05-05T01:36:00.000-07:00

I offer no excuses but one:
My internet has returned, and safe to say I shall still be updating this blog.
(huggles router)

It was out for over 70 days, and the company was taking their sweet time getting back to me.

But here it is, so all is well again.

Happy Mario Day!!

2009-03-10T12:14:00.003-07:00

What is Mario day, you ask?

Today!

Mar + 10 = Mar10 = An official holiday celebrating that lovable obese plumber and all his games!

So dust off your SNES and dig out your Gameboy and spend the day reminiscing the good old days when levels were classic and much harder. ^^

Wow, who saw this coming? (other than us gamers)

2009-03-02T18:46:00.001-08:00

Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Children For The Apocalypse?

What you DONT want to hear while having surgery...

2009-02-27T08:25:00.000-08:00

1. Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.

2. “Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness”

3. Hand me that… uh… that uh… thingie.

4. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

5. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

6. There go the lights again…

7. “Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys… and this guy’s got two of ‘em.”

8. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

9. Could you stop that thing from beating, it’s throwing my concentration off.

10. Sterile, schmerile. The floor’s clean, right?

11. What do you mean he wasn’t in for a sex change?

12. This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

13. Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

14. What do you mean “You want a divorce!”

15. Fire! Fire! Everyone get out.

16. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing.

17. Oh, look everyone. It’s lunch time.

18. The foot bone’s connected to the, leg bone…

19. That’s cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

20. Hey, if you pull on this it makes a funny noise.

Drop the load!

2009-02-27T08:12:00.000-08:00

A Priest, a Construction Worker, and a Foot Soldier are on a plane, along with the captain. They are being escorted to a missionary camp in South Africa. Currently they are over the rural areas of France.

Unfortunately, some of them forgot the weight limit.

Pilot – “We’re losing altitude, fast! We need to drop some of the load!”

The Construction Worker drops a cordless nail gun and a load of nails out of the small plane.

The Priest drops a large crate of bibles, after praying God’s forgiveness.

Priest – “How’s that for the weight?”

Pilot – “Almost, but not good enough yet!”

Finally, the Foot Soldier drops a crate of Grenades, friction matches, C4, and a few blowtorches.

Foot Soldier – “Good enough?”

Pilot – “Yes, it should be. Unfortunately, we are running out of fuel, the weight of the items had already impaired the plane’s consumption.”

They stop for fuel in a small, family-owned airport. The three who are being escorted decide to go for a walk around the country while the plane is refilling. They see a kid laying on the ground, looking rather frightened.

Worker – “Hey, look, it’s my nail gun!”

Kid – “Umm… mister, could you help me please?”

The trio looks over to see the kid pinned down to the ground by nails.

Worker – “Oh, heh, yeah, sorry about that, little boy…”

Kid – “I won’t even ask as long as you help me up…”

The trio helps the kid up and they continue on their walk. They next come across a weeping boy, dressed all in black, with a cluster of bibles around him.

Boy – (mumbling)”I p-p-promise, I won’t d-deal or worship S-Satan again, g-god..”

Priest – “What is wrong, little boy?”

Boy – “I was just worshiping Satan when these bibles fell on my head!”

Priest – “So you are finally going to convert to the better will, I see?”

Boy – “Yes, YES, I w-will!”

They continue on, to see a small figure writhing on the ground.

Foot Soldier – “Dear god, what happened to you?”

Girl – “M-M-my mom f-farted… hahahahaha… and s-she… hahah… blew… u-up the…the…the neighbor’s h-house… hahahahahha….”

Death affair

2009-02-27T07:45:00.000-08:00

One day, 3 dead men went to heaven, God stopped them at the gate and told them, that heaven was too crowded so they were only letting in 1 out of 3 people, so he interviews them, to see which had the worst death.

The first man starts, well, i came home from work early, because I thought my wife was cheating on me, so I checked the whole house while she was in the shower, then I saw him, dangling from the balcony, so I grabbed a hammer, and started smashing his fingers, and he fell, so, to make sure he was dead, I went and got the fridge, and toppled it over the edge. But i felt so bad I shot myself.

The second man walks in and says, I was exercising on my balcony, when I fell, and grabbed onto the balcony below me, then, some wierdo with a mallet comes over and smashes my hands in, the fall didn’t kill me, but then a huge F* off fridge topples over and crushes me.

So the last man comes in, well, he says, I was in my girlfriends house hiding in her fridge…..

Note

2009-02-24T00:36:00.001-08:00

Sorry for no updates, life happens, and I'm sick.

Mario Do-right, Italian Mountie

2009-02-24T00:32:00.000-08:00

(Fade up on the Canadian wilderness. Mario rides in on Yoshi.)

Narrator: Into the northern region of Canada, at the close of the nineteenth century, rode Mario Do-Right of the Mounties, lonely defender of justice and fair play: handsome, brave, daring... and hopelessly lost.

Mario: These service-station maps are impossible! Can't even fold up the thing... I think I should have turned left at that last tree.

(Camera pans to Bowser, who is tying a blonde to some convenient railroad tracks. He seems to be having some trouble with the final knot.)

Narrator: Meanwhile a short distance away, Bowser Whiplash was up to his favorite pastime: tying women to railroad tracks. He soon had unexpected company!

Bowser (spotting Mario): A Mountie!

Mario (taking no notice of the situation): Correct! Pardon me, sir, but do you happen to know the way to the Royal Canadian Mountie camp?

Bowser (politely): Why, yes, I do. ...Oh, this pesky knot! Could you give me a hand, or rather, finger, heh heh?

Mario: Always willing to help a citizen in need. (offering an index finger) There!

(Bowser immediately ties Mario's finger into the knot)

Bowser: Hah-hah-hah-haa! Mario Do-Right of the Mounties! Get out of that if you can!

(Bowser flees. The blonde glares at Mario as he realizes he's been tricked.)

Mario: Oh, fudge.

(Cut to Peach skipping through the forest with a basket. She soon runs into Mario.)

Narrator: Meanwhile Peach the beautiful daughter of Luigi, was out gathering chestnuts. Suddenly she stumbled onto the biggest nut of all, Mario Do-Right.

Peach: What, Mario Do-Right, are you doing with that other woman? I thought you always did right!

Mario: I was doing right, Peach. That's how I got in this predic-a-ment. But could I tell you about it later? I think there is a train approaching...

(The scene is obscured by a whistle and huge train wheels...)

(Fade to the RCMP camp, then to Inspectior Fenwick's office. Mario's index finger is conspicuously bandaged.)

Luigi: And so, Do-Right, there's a fiend running loose in northern Canada.

Mario: A fiend, Luigi?

Luigi: A fiend who goes about Canada tying defenseless women to railroad tracks!

Mario (looking slightly guilty): Oh.

Luigi: I know it must be hard for you to believe, you with your eyes of blue and heart so true, but - what happened to your finger, Do-Right?

Mario (quickly putting finger behind back): Never mind about my finger, sir! This is far more important than mere flesh-wounds! A rope-tying fiend is at large and should be brought in at once!

(Back to Canadian wilderness. Mario rides Yoshi with determination.)

Narrator: And so the remorseless man-tracker started on his way. He didn't have far to track!

(Mario immediately runs into Bowser, who is now tying a brunette to the tracks.)

Mario: Here, here! You oughtn't to do a thing like that: going around tying defenseless people to railroad tracks.

(taking off his hat)

Mario: It's not the Canadian Way!

Bowser (suddenly falling to his knees, pleading for mercy): You think I've not tried to stop - to stop tying? I'm hooked! It's a habit with me now! Oh, boo-hoo-hoo! I swear to you: after I tie up this one defenseless woman, I'm going to swear off, so help me! ...Could you just put your finger in this knot?

Mario (tenderly): Well... if you think it will help you kick the habit...

Snidfely (disguising a malevolent grin): Oh, it will! It will!

Mario (offering his finger): There!

Bowser: Ahh-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa! Yeah.

(Bowser immediately ties Mario's finger into the knot and flees. The brunette glares at the Mountie.)

Mario: Curses! Foiled again.

Bowser (leaning back into shot): Hey! That's my line...

(Montage of Mario chasing Bowser down the railroad tracks. Suddenly Mario finds a redhead
bound to the tracks.)

Mario: Uh-oh! Another woman. He didn't swear off!

(He unties the woman and dashes forward to find the bound figure of...)

Mario: A man! Confound that Bowser!

(He unties him, only to find a few feet later...)

Mario: Peach!

(And then...)

Mario: Luigi!

(Yoshi, who looks up from the tracks and smiles cheerfully.)
(And then...)

Mario: Bowser!

(He frees Bowser in turn, continues down the tracks, then stops and realizes...)

Mario: "Bowser"? Now, I wonder...

(as Mario stands on the tracks contemplating this, he is again obscured by a train whistle and massive engine-wheels...)

(Fade back to the RCMP outpost, where the Luigi meets with Mario and Peach.)

Narrator: But Luigi did not get his nickname of The Canadian Fox for nothing!

Luigi: Now all of you have heard the old proverb, "If you give a Bowser enough rope, he'll put his foot in it."

Mario: Why, no, Luigi, I don't believe I've heard that proverb-

Luigi: Don't interrupt, Do-Right! We're going to use deception. We're going to disguise you as Peach!

(Luigi proceeds to disguise Mario as a perfect copy of Peach.)

Mario: Me, sir?

Luigi: With those baby-blue eyes, you are a natural.

Mario: True...

(Dissolve back to the wilderness. Bowser spots the Peach-disguised Mario hiding behind a tree, looks about, and begins putting on costume pieces.)

Narrator: What the Luigi did not know was that Bowser, realizing that the heat was on, disguised himself as Peach!

(Bowser, dressed perfectly as Peach, approaches Mario.)

Bowser (in crummy falsetto voice): Mario, where are you?

Mario: Peach! You heard your father's plan. Go on back to camp! You'll give the whole thing away!

(Bowser encircles Mario with a rope)

Mario: Peach! Peach, what are you doing?

(He ties Mario to the railroad tracks)

Mario: Peach, this is no time for high-jinks!

Bowser: Ha ha ha hoop!

(A lasso encircles him, and he in turn is bound to the tracks by Peach!)

Peach: There, Bowser! Caught at last... oops!
(She, in turn, is lassooed and dragged to one side by... Luigi!)

Luigi: So, Bowser! You thought you'd catch the Mounties' counter-counter intelligence napping-napping, eh?

Peach: But Father, I'm not Bowser-

Luigi: And don't think you're fooling me with that crummy falsetto voice! You must think we're pretty stupid at Headquarters...

(We hear the sound of a train's brakes being applied loudly. An Engineer walks up to the Luigi, carrying the Peach-disguised Mario in one hand and the Peach-disguised Bowser in the other.)

Engineer (Brooklyn accent): Hey, buddy, don't leave stuff lying around on the tracks, huh?

(Luigi stares at the three identical Peachs, then continues)

Luigi: Trying to confuse me, eh, Bowser? Well, it won't work! As if I wouldn't know my own daughter and my favorite constable. Luigi always gets his man!

(And he drags Peach away. Mario removes his false Peach-head.)

Mario: Well, Peach, I guess all's well that ends well, eh?

Bowser (removing his own Peach-head): My sentiments precisely, Mario.

(Mario stares at Bowser. Music reaches triumphant ending. Fade out.)

Tears of Joy

2009-02-19T03:28:00.000-08:00

My eldest dragon grew up! *snif* I'm so proud! =3

Akane is now a lvl 40 adult.

Booyah

2009-02-16T13:55:00.000-08:00

Click here to level up my license!

Random quotes...

2009-02-16T08:32:00.000-08:00

Random Quotes About Love (PG)

2009-02-16T06:39:00.000-08:00

Courtship - A man pursuing a woman until she catches him.
Anonymous

Charm is the measure of attraction's power
To chain the fleeting fancy of the hour.
Louisa Thomas (b. 1865)
"What is Charm?"

Flirt: a woman who thinks it's every man for herself.
Anonymous

She was always pleased to have him come
and never sorry to see him go.
Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
"Big Blonde" Pt. II

The game women play is men.
Adam Smith (1723-1790)

By keeping men off, you keep them on.
Gay (1688-1732)

Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat.
Oscar Wilde (1856-1900)

Scratch a lover, and find a foe.
Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
"Chant for Dark Hours," Ballade of a Great Weariness

Men like to pursue an elusive woman, like a cake of wet soap in a bathtub - even men who hate baths.
Gelett Burgess (1866-1951)

What woman says to fond lover should be written on air
or the swift water.
Catullus (B.C. 84?-54?)
Carmina. LXX 3.

When a young man complains that a young lady has no heart, it is a pretty certain sign that she has his.
George D. Prentice (1802-1870)

Oh, what a dear ravishing thing is the beginning of an Amour!
Aphra Behn (1640-1689)

She is pretty to walk with,
And witty to talk with,
And pleasant, too, to think on.
John Suckling (1609-1642)
The Brennoralt

Son, when thou art old it will please thee more to remember the duties thou hast NEGLECTED for love of women, than all thine honors.
Gelett Burgess (1866-1951)
The Maxims of Methuselah

What lies lurk in kisses.
Heinrich Heine (1797-1856)

For though I know he loves me
Tonight my heart is sad
His kiss was not so wonderful
As all the dreams I had.
Sara Teasdale (1884-1933)

The adoration of his heart had been to her only as the
perfume of a wild flower, which she had carelessly crushed
with her foot in passing.
Longfellow (1819-1892)

The time I've lost in wooing,
In watching and pursuing
The light that lies
in woman's eyes,
Has been my heart's undoing.
Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
The Time I've Lost in Wooing

Once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her.
John Vanbrugh (1666-1726)
The Relapse II

Many a girl has gotten into trouble by obeying that boyological urge.
Katharine Brush (born 1893)

When billing and cooing results in matrimony, the billing always comes after the cooing.
Tom Masson (1866-1934)

An absence, the decline of a dinner invitation, an unintentional coldness, can accomplish more than all the cosmetics and beautiful dresses in the world.
Marcel Proust (1871-1922)

Women who sway men are like the sea, full of moods, changeful, hard to fathom, never twice the same and often quite as treacherous.
Minna Antrim (fl. 1900)
Naked Truths and Veiled Illusions

He that would win his dame, must do
As Love does when he draws his bow;
With one hand thrust the lady from,
And with the other pull her home.
Samuel Butler (1612-1680)
Hudibras

My son, wouldst thou flatter women? I counsel thee,
avoid generalities; say NOT unto her: Thou art fair, my
love, thou rejoicest my heart with thy comeliness,
But let thy words be DEFINITE, go thou into details,
for this will cause her joy;
Say unto her: Love, thy nostrils are proud, they show
thy caste; and thine ear is like a seashell. How cunning
are the tips of thy fingers, and the line of thine eyebrows,
naught can match it.
Gelett Burgess (1866-1951)
The Maxims of Methuselah

Women like silent men. They think they're listening.
Marcel Achard (b. 1900)

The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
Mae West (1893?-1980)
The Wit and Wisdom of Mae West

"Where should one use perfume?" a young woman asked.
"Wherever one wants to be kissed," I said.
Coco Chanel (1883-1971)
Coco Chanel, Her Life, Her Secrets by Marcel Haedrich

Talk to me tenderly, tell me lies;
I am a woman and time flies.
Vivian Yeiser Laramore (b. 1891)
"Talk to Me Tenderly"

She might struggle like a fly in a web. He wrapped her around and around with beautiful sentences.
Mary Catherwood (1847-1901)
Marianson, Mackinac and Lake Stories "The King of Beaver"

Once he drew
With one long kiss my whole soul thro'
My lips, as sunlight drinketh dew.
Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
Fatima

I love your lips when they're wet with wine
And red with a wicked desire.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1855-1919)
"I Love You," St. 1

The heart of a man to the heart of a maid -
Light of my tents, be fleet -
Morning awaits at the end of the world,
And the world is all at our feet.
Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)
Gypsy Trail

...And whilst I was in the act of framing my excuse to the lady, Life seized me and threw me into her arms as a sailor throws a scrap of fish into the mouth of a seabird.
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
Man and Superman

Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses.
Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
Best Quotations for All Occasions

Men do make passes at girls who wear glasses -
but it all depends on their frames.
Optician
Quoted in: The Concise Columbia Dictionary of Quotations

The kiss originated when the first male reptile licked the first female reptile, implying in a subtle, complimentary way that she was as succulent as the small reptile he had for dinner the night before.
F. Scott Fitzgerald (1896-1940)

Boy: I'd like to marry your daughter.
Father: Have you seen my wife yet?
Boy: Yes, I have. But I prefer your daughter.
Anonymous

He doesn't want to take a girl out and do things -
he'd rather take her in and undo things.
Anonymous

Wild Nature's vigor working at the root.
Alexander Pope (1688-1744)

Sex - the poor man's polo.
Clifford Odets (1903-1963)

Sex is the tabasco sauce which an adolescent national palate sprinkles on every course in the menu.
Mary Day Winn (1888-1965)
Adam's Rib

Women complain about sex more than men. Their gripes fall into two major categories: (1) Not enough. (2) Too much.
Ann Landers (b. 1918)

When women go wrong, men go right after them.
Mae West (1893?-1980)

A woman tries to get all she can out of a man, and a man tries to get all he can into a woman.
Isaac Goldberg (1887-1938)

The important thing in acting is to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry I think of my sex life. If I have to laugh, I think of my sex life.
Glenda Jackson (b. 1936)

On the brink of being satiated, desire still appears infinite.
Jean Rostand
Journal d'un Caractere

Any man who says he doesn't desire to have sex with a woman he thinks is attractive is lying.
Corbin Bernsen (b. 1954)

Everybody lies about sex.
Robert Heinlein (b. 1907)

The only people who make love all the time are liars.
Telly Savalas (b. 1924)

Men 30 to 39 years old think about sex every 15 minutes.
After 40, the frequency drops to once every half hour.
Men's Health Magazine (1990)

Conventional sexual intercourse is like squirting jam into a donut.
Germaine Greer (b. 1939)

Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Sex is the great amateur art. The professional, male or female, is frowned upon. He or she misses the whole point and spoils the show.
David Cort (b. 1904)

Love is like linen - often changed, the sweeter.
Phineas Fletcher (1584-1650)
Sicelides III.v

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.
Fran Lebowitz

If you put a nickel in a jar every time you make love during the first year of your relationship and then afterwards take a nickel out every time you make love, the chances are you will never get all your nickels out.
Anonymous
Quoted in: A Dictionary of Love, Edited by Gil Friedman

If your life at night is good,
you think you have everything.
Euripides (B.C. 480-406)
Medea

It requires far more genius to make love than to command armies.
Ninon de Lenclos (1620-1705)
(ascribed)

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation...
Henry Miller (1891-1980)
Big Sur and the Oranges of Hieronymus Bosch

A healthy sex life. Best thing in the world for a woman's voice.
Leontyne Price (b. 1927)

I am convinced that happy, guiltless, and lusty intercourse stimulates the circulation and digestion, gets all the glands going, and is the best physical medicine in the world.
Alan Watts (1915-1973)

Sex is bad for one - but it's good for two.
Graffito
BBC Radio4, Quote Unquote

Sex ought to be a wholly satisfying link between two affectionate people from which they emerge unanxious, rewarded and ready for more.
Alex Comfort (b. 1920)
The Joy of Sex

You mustn't force sex to do the work of love or love to do the work of sex.
Mary McCarthy
The Group

Seamed stockings aren't subtle but they certainly do the job. You shouldn't wear them when out with someone you're not prepared to sleep with, since their presence is tantamount to saying, "Hi there, big fellow, please rip my clothes off at your earliest opportunity." If you really want your escort paralytic with lust, stop frequently to adjust the seams.
Cynthia Heimel
Sex Tips for Girls, 1983

From the desert I come to thee,
On a stallion shod with fire;
And the winds are left behind
In the speed of my desire.
Bayard Taylor (1825-1878)
Bedouin Song

License my roving hands, and let them go,
Before, behind, between, above, below.
John Donne (1572-1631)
To His Mistress Going to Bed

A madness of tender caressing seized her. She purred as a tiger might have done, while she undulated like a snake.
Elinor Glyn (1864-1943)
Three Weeds

I thought oral contraception was when you talked your way out of it.
Anonymous
overheard, quoted Peterborough, Daily Telegraph (1970)

When turkeys mate they think of swans.
Johnny Carson (b. 1925)

~

Update

2009-02-15T19:15:00.000-08:00

New poll.

New DA post.

~

The computer is a cheating b*stard...

2009-02-14T04:12:00.000-08:00

Geez, Galaxy is no fun anymore...

See, I went to the Deep Dark Galaxy, and was supposed to find, as it put it, "Ghost in a box".

Well, I went in the cannon, I blasted off to the planet, I got the fire flower, (firepower, ftw) I lit the torches opening the gate, I swam down to the bottom of the underwater cave...

And found nothing other than a green shell, some broken ship parts, and Unagi the eel (and man is he ugly...)

After searching around for ages, I finally went online and found the next step to do.

Apparently I was supposed to break the bombs around the ship to reveal a warp star.

HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?!?

I've only got 23 stars to go, but these last levels are killing me.

In one, I've got to hover out of tornadoes (Dusty Dune Galaxy) to collect purple coins. And in the Melty Molten Galaxy, I've got to collect purple coins again, but this time while trying not to fall into bubbling steaming lava. I've got a Cosmic race in the Gold Leaf Galaxy, a Daredevil race in the Battlerock Galaxy,

I JUST got that star from those stupid bunnies in the Snowcap Galaxy.

But the Loopdeswoop Galaxy is pure evil.

Imagine with me, if you will, the Wiimote. It's flat like a normal remote, and is held the same way. But the slightest tilt will tip Mario left or right.

Oh, and did I mention he's 'surfboarding' on a manta ray? ><

On top of this, I've got to reach the end in less than a minute.

NO EFFEN WAY.

Great Joke I've read in ages...

2009-02-12T08:49:00.000-08:00

Small World

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course", comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Scotland", replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Scotland too! Let's have another round to Scotland."

"Of Course", replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Scotland are you from?"

"Aberdeen", comes the reply.

"I can't believe it", says the first man. "I'm from Aberdeen too! Let's have another drink to Aberdeen."

"Of course", replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Andrews", replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Andrews and graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

"What's been going on?", he asks the bartender

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The MacClyde twins are drunk again."

~

Why we shouldn't live life strictly by what's written in a book.

2009-02-12T06:41:00.000-08:00

Those that understand this will understand this.

~

Do the Roomba Rumba dances

2009-02-06T21:53:00.000-08:00

Yes, mother bought one.
Incase you don't know, it's a robotic vacuum that'll scout out the dirt, suck it up, and return to it's docking station. 0_o

Wikipedia Article

Updates to follow.

---

Also included here is Brandon Heath's Give Me Your Eyes Music Video.

~

NICKELBACK - Gotta Be Somebody (vid)

2009-02-06T21:42:00.000-08:00

I'm not a fan persay, but I do like this one.

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my own breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
'Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déjà vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my own breath, could this be the end
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
'Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

You can't give up, looking for a diamond in the rough
You never know, when it shows up, make sure you're holding on
'Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, ohhh

Nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there.

~

I got one, I finally got one!

2009-02-04T05:59:00.000-08:00

I went onto my account, popped over to the abandoned page, and WOW...

I see a 'yoshi' egg.

Hesitantly I click it, self-doubting I'll succeed.

Then the code comes up...

MINE

=3

Ever think about...

2009-02-04T00:55:00.000-08:00

I find it odd...

A 70+ year old 'sage' is keeping the body of a 10 year old boy for 7 years where no one can see, hear or even know what's happening...

Until he's 'of age'

....PERVERT

~

Platform Hell

2009-01-26T04:22:00.000-08:00

"Here’s an example of a typical scene: Trees full of apples. Unassuming, you stride under one, and an apple falls from the tree and crushes you, sending you back to the start of the screen. You approach again, this time cautiously poking your nose out under the tree in an attempt to goad the apple into falling before you pass. ... About halfway across, you notice an apple low enough you can jump over it. ... You jump over the apple, and the apple falls up and kills you. The apple falls up and kills you."
— Anna "Dessgeega" Anthropy on I Wanna Be The Guy.

If you want a picture of the future, imagine a plumber jumping into an invisible coin block... repeatedly... forever.

Video game protagonists often have bad days. It's not uncommon to have to Double Jump between Floating Platforms over spiked pits, dash between three sets of synchronized fire vents, then bounce off a flying enemy to hit an item block, all while dodging those Goddamned Bats and Demonic Spiders. It may be fiendishly difficult, but it's still par for the course.

But not like this. Not like this.

The first item block? Falls and crushes you when you hit it! The pit spikes? Shoot freaking lasers when you jump over them! The safe platform at the other end? Suddenly tilts sideways for no reason at all! The harmless bush you just walked past? Grows teeth and bites your head off! The tiny white cloud that you thought was part of the background? Just blasted you with lightning! The secret Warp Zone you found? Sends you back to the first level of the game!

And when you finally, finally get that precious Super Mushroom? Makes you grow so monstrously huge that the floor cracks in half and you plunge into the center of the Earth.

Might I be the first to say... welcome to Hell.

This isn't Nintendo Hard; it's murder. Every platform has booby-trapped spikes. Every empty hallway has a wall of cannons waiting just offscreen. Every power-up will result in death, and every power-up that doesn't will result in death if you don't pick it up. The difficulty never, ever lets up, and in a short time it becomes ludicrous in its persistence.

And when you think you've figured out the twisted mind of the game designer, something incomparably worse gets thrown at you.

Like a level timer running out way too early.

Continued here.
~

Truths

2009-01-25T22:36:00.000-08:00

The motto for Mario Kart seems to be "Let's see how hard we can rape players with items from 5 different people!", especially the Wii version.

Ask anyone who has managed to stay in first place for two laps, only to get blue shelled, red shelled, shrunk by lightning, and then ran over from someone using a star. They'll be telling you "HOW THE HELL CAN ALL THIS HAPPEN IN A 15 SECOND SPAN!?"

~

Note

2009-01-23T09:29:00.000-08:00

I'm going to try recording SMW gameplay, and upload it to Youtube, then upload it to here, so keep an eye out!

Anyone know a good video editor? And a compressor?

Article - Yoshisaur

2009-01-23T09:17:00.000-08:00

Yoshisaur (Dinosaur)

By LuigiFan4Ever AKA Cryst D.

INTRODUCTION
Yoshisaur, (dinosaur), creature with smooth, scaled skin. Scientists only recognize twelve known species in the Yoshisaur group. Nearly all Yoshisaurs (or Yoshis, as they are more commonly called) live entirely on land, whereas others never leave the water, and still others spend some time in the water and some on land. One type lives underground and spends their time burrowing in the soil.

RANGE AND HABITAT
The most widespread of all creatures are Yoshies, which are found just about everywhere except the polar regions, and the driest deserts. In the western hemisphere, their range extends from North Fungaitown to parts of the Koopahari Desert. They inhabit Isle Delfino, parts of the Beanbean Kingdom, Yo’ster Isle, the Central and Southern Mushroom Kingdom, parts of Dinosaur Land, and most recently, Sarasaland. Yoshis live in many environments, including grasslands, rain forests, conifer forests, alpine areas, and even deserts, although most species require some flat land for mating and reproduction.

DIET
Remarkably, many Yoshis are adept at finding food in seemingly sparse environments, due to their incredible sense of smell. For example, one unique group survives in the Koopahari’s dry climate by eating a type of green, webbed melon that can be found underground. Yoshies, like humans, are omnivores; that is, their diet consists of complex carbohydrates and occasionally protein. There are also cases reported of Yoshis consuming insects, such as Wigglers, but their stomachs are not designed to digest such food.

Yoshis survive by eating a diet of 90% fruit and 10% greens and fish. They consume a wide assortment of local and tropical fruits, varying from apples, coconuts, durians, and watermelons to bananas, mangoes, pineapples, and grapes. Underwater, they must chase and catch fish. On land, they flick out their sticky tongues to reach fruit on trees and berries on low-lying scrub.

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS
All members of the Yoshi group have solid, stocky bodies ending in short, thick tails. Yoshis have dull, flat teeth, a sticky tongue with elastic properties, a crested, large head with a broad nose region, three-fingered hands with an opposable thumb, a bipedal stance, and large, three-toed feet. A streak of white runs from their cheeks, jaw, and throat to their stomach, ending before the tail.

Yoshis begin their lives as an egg, laid by the mother in a nest. After the incubation, they hatch and begin to forage. Most hatchlings have tiny teeth; however, they rarely chew their food. Hatchlings must consume three times their weight everyday for proper growth. Between hatching and training, the juveniles, now called Yo’sters, learn from socializing and parental interaction. During this important stage, the Yo’sters begin learning the use of their abilities (see Unique Powers). Yoshters, the "teenage" stage of Yoshis, center solely on physical maturity. Now the Yoshters "cut" or develop their permanent teeth. They also grow quickly, often reaching five to six feet tall in a year, and cease growing when they reach their adult height of seven feet.

Adult Yoshis have powerful, streamlined body structures that enable them to move about on land as well as in the water. Their hind legs are bigger and stronger than their forearms, for use in jumping and walking, their primary mode of locomotion on land. They use their short, strong tail for balance while walking on land, and to steer them through the water while swimming. A Yoshi's tongue is attached to the back of its mouth. By manipulating a muscle underneath their tongue, it shoots out, much like the recoil of elastic. This arrangement provides additional length and agility for seizing unsuspecting prey.

A. Internal Anatomy
Yoshis’ internal anatomy is similar to that of other vertebrates. They have large lungs for breathing oxygen. A three-chambered heart pumps blood throughout a complex circulatory system, delivering oxygen and nutrients to the cells and carrying away waste products. The digestive system consists of a mouth, oesophagus, two stomachs, and intestine. Usually, the digestive process stops here, as Yoshis extract all nutritional substance from fruit, thus virtually eliminating the need for daily movement. Digestive wastes, if any, are processed by the kidneys, excreted into the cloacae, then expelled from the body through a muscular opening. This opening is also where eggs exit the body.

Yoshis are warm-blooded, or more correctly, endotherms- that is, they are able to generate their own body heat. However, their body temperature can also be determined by their surroundings. In extremely cold weather, for example, they become sluggish, and some enter a state of reduced activity, or torpor, which is similar to hibernation. They are also susceptible to heatstroke.

B. Skin
Delicately scaled Yoshi skin provides them with a way to absorb light from their environments, and a defense against injury. Yoshis come in every color of the rainbow: red, yellow, green, teal, blue, orange, pink, purple, brown, white, black, and gold. The gold Yoshis are Elders (see Culture) and silver Yoshis do not exist in the true Yoshi clan. Brilliantly hued Yoshies owe their diverse coloration to both pigment in the skin and specialized pigment-containing cells called chromatophores in the skin’s lower layer. They can make their skin color lighter or darker by concentrating or dispersing the various pigments in the chromatophores. This behaviour helps them to adjust their body temperature because light colors reflect heat more than dark colors, and it acts as a camouflaging mechanism, helping them to escape notice by predators.

C. Hearing, Vision, and Vocalizations
Yoshis lack external ears, but have a small, well-developed tympanum, or eardrum, situated on either side of their head. Because of this, their hearing is very sensitive, and they use their keen hearing in communicating with one another. Using a true voice box, or larynx, they produce a wide variety of vocalizations, which they use in speaking in their own language. This language, so-called Yoshiese, can produce guttural chirps, yelps, or barking sounds (see Culture). It has been reported that some Yoshis can use their larynx to imitate and understand human speech, but this is purely speculative.

One would think that Yoshis’ vision would be critical for their survival, but this is not the case. Their eyes lack irises, but their large pupils give them better peripheral vision. With this exception, their eyes function the same as normal humans’ do.

BEHAVIOR
Yoshis are known for their kindness and their ability to control a power, depending on their color (see Unique Power). Much of the Yoshis’ lifestyle is dictated by the necessity of keeping itself fed and preventing its body temperature from becoming too hot or too cold. Some species bask in the sun in order to raise their body temperature. In the hotter regions, many adults are active at night rather than in the day to avoid excessive heat and guard against water loss. The reverse is true of the colder climates.

Their soft skin and lack of true claws with which to defend themselves leave Yoshis particularly vulnerable to predators, which include large predatory birds, large fish, and even larger dinosaurs, such as Blarggs. When facing a predator, many Yoshis faint and pretend to be dead, an involuntary response cued by blood drainage. Others rely on brute strength by using their strong leg muscles to kick and stomp in offence. Male Yoshis often respond to threats by puffing up their bodies so that they appear much larger than their real size.

REPRODUCTION
Little is known about courtship among the secretive Yoshis, but many exhibit elaborate mating behaviours. Yoshis come into Season (heat) once every two years. Males often emit low, throaty yaps to attract a female’s attention. If a female looks their way, these males may display complex postures. They gather in huge numbers- sometimes thousands of individuals- when conditions are right for mating. Males rely on their calls, which are familiar to humans as barks and rumbling growls but may also consist of clicks, whistles, or trills, to attract females and keep other males away.

There seems to be a hierarchy among the Yoshis. Often females will gather around the biggest male. If a smaller male desires one of the females for his own, a fight will ensue. It may consist of scratching, biting, kicking, or loud protesting. Fights can go on for hours, ending only when one is weakened by injury or just gives up. Sometimes Yoshis will mate for life.

Fertilization is internal. Yoshi eggs are protected by a waterproof shell like those of birds. The eggs need to be kept warm. Teal Yoshis lay their eggs directly in tepid water, but the rest of the group lay their eggs on land in warm places such as under leaf litter, in warm burrows, or in rock circles. Most lay their eggs in nests formed from tree branches.

Some Yoshis that lay their eggs leave them unattended, but in most groups, a parent commonly guards the eggs to prevent hungry predators from stealing them. Yoshis show remarkable forms of parental care, tending to their young until they reach adult age.

LIFE CYCLE
Yoshis have a calendar based on the number five (see Culture), and rightly so, because most of their growth occurs within multiples of five.

After fertilization, the female lays the egg in five days. It is white, with large, round spots matching one of the parent’s colors and indicating the color of the infant. Usually, one of the parents will lie close, incubating it with its body heat, and the egg hatches into the juvenile form after five weeks. The hatchling’s survival is determined in the first few days. Five weeks after hatching, the Yo’ster has eaten two-hundred times its own weight, and undergoes several growth spurts. At the end of the year, the Yo’ster begins to learn hunting skills and such from the older Yoshis in the family group. Between the second to the fifth year, the Yoshters undergo dramatic growth. The length of time required for physical development varies among the different family groups.

Little is known about the longevity of most Yoshis in the wild, but studies of known creatures show that they can be extremely long-lived. Some have survived for two-hundred to two-hundred-fifty years, and a few have lived for more than three-hundred years.

UNIQUE POWERS
Yoshis are swift, fast creatures. Their strong legs enable them to move quickly and jump high. Upon jumping, they can rapidly kick their legs, somehow gaining airtime. This "flutterjump" enables them to cross gaps too wide to normally jump. In addition, they have a unique trait. Whereas females lay fertilized eggs, males can convert anything inedible into eggs. When they swallow something, it moves into their other stomach and is coated with a thin shell. Then it is laid, the whole process taking only seconds.

As mentioned earlier in this article, Yoshi colors vary into twelve different types:

With tempers as fiery as their skin, red Yoshis have the ability to breathe out fire, like a dragon. They prefer hot climates, such as blazing sun or near lava pits.
Yellow Yoshis prefer warm, sandy climates, and can use their weight to land heavily, causing tremors and sometimes cracking the ground.
Green Yoshis love the coolness of the vast jungle, and use their amplified voices to carry their voices across great distances.
Teal Yoshis love the water, spending nearly their whole lives in it. They have developed the ability to hold their breath for an amazing amount of time.
Blue Yoshis are unique in the sense that they are the only Yoshis with wings. They learn how to fly from an early age, and reside in the mountainous regions.
Orange Yoshis can control a form of bioluminescence, allowing their skin to give off an orange glow. They reside in caverns and such.
Only the Pink Yoshis are nocturnal, as they are able to see in the dark quite easily. They reside everywhere other Yoshis live.
Purple Yoshis are reported to have creative talent, and show it through music, art, and dance. They prefer to live in forests or valleys.
Brown Yoshis have discovered a way to dig under the earth for their food, and as such, spend most of their time underground.
White Yoshis are rarely seen, mainly because of an advanced form of invisibility they can control. It is rumoured they live in the forest, but there is not much info about them.
Black Yoshis have a rare extra tendon in their back legs not evident in the rest of the species. This tendon is revealed to aid them in high-speed running. They reside in moderate, flat areas.
Golden Yoshis, also known as Elders, have golden skin and white wings. They dwell in the sacred Dome and aid by judging the other groups with justice.

CULTURE
Culture, by definition, includes a group’s beliefs, language, rituals, art, and technology, styles of dress, ways of producing and cooking food, religion, and/or political and economic systems. Individuals are not born with culture; they have to learn it. For instance, one must learn to speak and understand a language and to abide by the rules of a society. Many societies must learn to produce and prepare food and to construct shelters. Some believe they must learn a skill to earn money, which they then use to provide for themselves. In all human societies, children learn culture from adults.

Anthropologists call this process enculturation, or cultural transmission. Enculturation is a long process. Just learning the intricacies of a language, a major part of enculturation, takes many years. Families commonly protect and enculturate children in the households of their birth for 15 years or more. Only at this point can the children leave and establish their own households.

A. Beliefs
In general, Yoshis believe in an altruistic society. Large groups of the same color often live nearby, often aiding each other in child rearing, food gathering, and protection. This is actually part of a mutual-aid system in which favours are given because they will almost certainly be repaid. This system, known as kin selection, is widespread. All it requires is that an animal perform services of little cost to itself but of great benefit to relations. Most civilizations vigorously practice kin selection, leading anthropologists to believe that Yoshis may be more human-like than was imagined before.

B. Language
The language of the Yoshis is called Yoshiese, and it is composed of guttural sounds, such as clicks, barks and chirps, whistles, growling, and trilling. The Yoshis seem to understand it perfectly, which leads scientists to believe that, if deciphered, Yoshiese could prove to be a true language. There has been no success so far. Though the human larynx can create and articulate a wide enough variety of sounds to create millions of distinct words, it is nearly impossible to physically reproduce the throaty Yoshi sounds heard. In fact, researchers can only make a fraction of the sounds Yoshis can make.

There is evidence that Yoshis at birth have a high IQ, giving them the capacity to construct, understand, and communicate primarily by physical signs and language. Research has shown, for example, that hatchlings have a basic structure of gibberish- a sort of universal grammar- built into their minds. Infants are thus predisposed to learn the Yoshiese spoken by the groups around them.

C. Rituals
Yoshis observe the moon’s cycle carefully to determine their planting and harvesting schedules (see Agriculture). At the end of each cycle, the Yoshis throw festivals celebrating the start of planting, the end of harvest, the end of Season, and a ceremony called "Joining" similar to matrimony. An egg hatching is also cause for celebration.

D. Art
Yoshis are very intelligent creatures, and their level of artistic creativity astounds scientists. For example, the Purple Yoshis can perform rhythmic music, elaborate dance routines, and complex paintings down to the finest details. They often lead the yearly feasts with these abilities (see Rituals).

E. Dress and Fashion
People living together in a society share culture. For example, almost all people living on Plit share the English language, dress in similar styles, eat many of the same foods, and celebrate many of the same holidays. Yoshis do not wear clothes, but prefer to wear pendants, anklets, and thick bracelets made with natural items. Some wear headbands formed out of carved wood, decorated with seashells, small coloured leaves, or pebbles. Beads and glass fascinate them, as such articles are foreign to them.

F. Agriculture
Growing and harvesting their own food is already a known concept to the Yoshis. Recently, they began learning how to grow grains and vegetables, supplied from the Kingdom, to supplement their diet.

G. Religion
Not much is known of the Yoshis' religion, outside of the fact they credit all fate to a great "Spirit-Yoshi" that watches over and protects them. Additionally, they hold the Elders in high regard. The number five seems to hold some importance as well. There are five islands on Dinosaur Land, their preferred habitat. In addition, their calendar is based on five months in one year. Lastly, the word "Yoshi" has five letters.

H. Government
The closest thing the Yoshis have to a government is the rule of the Elders. Endowed with wisdom and justice, they enforce the few laws that have kept all Yoshis safe and happy for thousands of years.

ENDANGERED?
Yoshis have survived for perhaps hundreds of thousands of years. However, they are not readily accepted due to their intimidating size. This has prompted international concern, and in prudent foresight, Princess Daisy Sarasa, Ruler of Sarasaland, and Princess Peach Toadstool, Ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom, joined alliances to pass an act (# 21.4) called the Sacred Creatures Protection Act or SAPA for short. This act enforces the Yoshis’ protection, with the threat of imprisonment if found guilty of injuring or abusing a Yoshisaur.

Their extensive life cycle makes Yoshis particularly sensitive to environmental disruptions such as drought and pollutants. This sensitivity makes them excellent bioindicators- life forms whose well-being provides clues to the health of an ecosystem. Declines in some populations may be due in part to natural fluctuations, but they more likely suggest that the citizens of Plit are changing the environment more rapidly than Yoshis can adapt. One such change is the destruction and modification of their habitats, such as the cutting down of forests and the draining of small lakes.

No single factor has been identified as the cause of these disturbing facts. Instead, a variety of factors may be responsible. These may include disease from viral, bacterial, or fungal pathogens. At a local level, chemical pollutants, such as pesticides, herbicides, and fertilizers, may be harming Yoshi populations. In some regions, the introduction of non-native competitors and predators has contributed to population declines. It is likely that an interaction of some or all of these factors may be exacerbating conditions for Yoshis.

Scientific classification: Yoshis are the only members of the class Yoshisaur, species extendicus tongus bipedel erectus.

~Cryst

Recipe - Cornbread

2009-01-22T23:32:00.000-08:00

Unbeknownst to most, I am a self-proclaimed cook (and to others who know about my OC's, a cordon-bleu class chef.)

So I made cornbread from scratch today, and it turned out poifect.

Light, fluffy, slightly sweet, and completely whole, this makes a good bread for everything from backpacking in the woods to served with chili con carne.

And because it's so basic, you can add anything to spice it up!

Try cayenne and chives, or some grated cheese folded in before baking.

-Ingrediants-
1 1/3 cups cornmeal
1 cup flour
2/3 cups sugar
3 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 egg
1 cup milk
1/3 cup oil

-Directions-
Mix everything together.
Pour into a 9 or 10 inch baking dish.
Place into a 400 degree oven for 25-30 minutes, or until the top is dry, slightly tacky, and golden brown.

Enjoy!

~

FEMALE!!!

2009-01-20T23:08:00.000-08:00

FEMALE FEMALE FEMALE!!

FINALLY, A SILVER FEMALE!!!

Do you know how LONG it's taken me to get one?!?

*runs around quite madly*

~

Plea

2009-01-20T05:27:00.000-08:00

COMMENTS WOULD BE NICE.

That is all.

~

Aha!

2009-01-17T19:09:00.000-08:00

I've figured out HTML
...Well, sort of.

Note the animations to the right.

The Charmander will link you to the Adoptable Page.
The Autumn Dragon will take you to the Dragon Page.
And Akane will take you to her page.

^^

~

The Handbag (poem)

2009-01-15T20:13:00.000-08:00

Sadly, my purse is like this. ^^;
I keep everything from my swiss knife to bandaids to paper to string in there...

~

The Handbag

The handbag is a rare delight, it's like Aladdin's cave,
All sorts of things are hidden there, that females like to save,
It's black and big and heavy, with a nice long shoulder strap,
Its weighted down with odds and sods and other stuff like that.

But the lady finds just what she wants deep down amongst her treasure,
Of keys and pins and leg hair wax and a metric rule for measure,
The remnants of forgotten ills with aspirins held so dear,
Birth control and other pills with labels quite unclear.

Calorie counters, cotton buds, old lottery tickets too,
Handkerchiefs and white tissues for visiting the loo,
A book of stamps, a tube of glue, letters from I don't know who,
Horoscopes with personal star, petrol vouchers for the car.

Perfume loaded by the box, knitting needles, pairs of socks,
Bank statements and counterfoils, sachet samples, body oils,
Cassette tapes and eye mascara, postcards from old Connamara
Itineraries for keep-fit classes, lipstick and a pair of glasses,

Emery boards, a pot of Vic, silver tweezers, half a brick,
Screwdriver, spanners, ball of wool, ancient notebook partly full,
Bristle brush for long tresses, photographs and addresses,
Polo mints and a mobile phone just in case they stray from home.

Cheque book stubs, leather gloves, insect spray for the shrubs,
Driving licence, bingo card, cuttings from the paper,
Favourite verse, loaded purse and a windscreen scraper,
Credit cards, safety razor, golden buttons off a blazer.

All these things are lugged around and many more as well,
It could be that you need them, you really cannot tell,
So come on fella's don't take the mick - out of the lady's handbag
You never know there could be a flood and you could use it as a sandbag.

But best of all it is a friend, that's with them every day,
Slung upon the shoulder in a casual way,
And don't forget it is a club - not of the member kind,
But the bag itself when wielded right could change a mugger's mind.

Copyright; Joe Earl

Spring must be in the air...

2009-01-14T18:22:00.000-08:00

Well, our birds laid an egg.

We have two cockatails, and Mango and Mia seem to have not 5, but 1 egg.

Let's hope they don't kick it around like a soccer ball, and actually lay on it.

~

Joke...

2009-01-14T03:42:00.000-08:00

A guy dials his home phone number and a strange woman answers. The guy says, “Who is this?”

“This is the maid,” answers the woman.

“We don’t have a maid,” says the man.

The woman says, “I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.”

The man says, “Well, this is her husband. Is she there?”

The woman replies, “She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.”

The guy is fuming and says to the maid, “Listen, would you like to make $50,000?”

The maid says, “What will I have to do?”

The man tells her, “I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she’s with.”

The maid puts the phone down and the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone, “What do I do with the bodies?”

The man says, “Throw them in the swimming pool.”

Puzzled, the maid answers, “But you don’t have a pool.”

The man pauses for a moment and says,

“Ummmm… Is this 555-3248?”

~

Hmmm...

2009-01-14T02:56:00.001-08:00

I'm getting pissed off with Galaxy.

Well, I was in the FreezeFlame Galaxy (which, btw, has the best bkg music, imo) and I got up to 94 purple coins... and I fell in the water. Immediately, as is my custom when I'm so close to finishing, I panicked, frantically jamming 'A' to jump out repeatedly, but alas, my meter fell from 5 to 0 before I got out.

*underbreath cursing*

But on the upside, I am at 84 stars.

~

Oh, and here's a vid.

Luigi in 60 seconds (video)

2009-01-10T21:20:00.000-08:00

Oochie Coochie ^^

Know Gnus Iz Güd Gnus...

2009-01-10T20:53:00.000-08:00

Well, Dragcave.net had a makeover, and it's amazing how much easier it is now. Some eggs even got a makeover! ^^

What else...
Oh, the funniest thing happened the other day.

I bought Mother a couple shirts for Christmas, but one didn't fit right (it was green and gold) so we returned it to the store.
Well after searching around for almost two hours, she found two shirts she liked, but the turtleneck was to exchange.
So we get to the counter and Nadine couldn't find the sku for it, but after rummaging around on the computer she found it. Then we exchanged it, and all the time Mother was voicing how bad she felt, as it was a gift.

Well, guess what?
She bought the shirt back again.
And this time, it wasn't on sale.

Looking back, I'm ashamed to say I was I was loud and spastic in the store, lecturing her out loud about this choice, and the fact she couldn't have thought up the decision to keep the shirt before we came to the store.
Nadine and Shelly were in hysterics.

(facepalm)

I'm actually glad she had to pay full price.

~

Update

2009-01-09T06:14:00.000-08:00

Well...

The rain FINALLY stopped, half the snow washed away, and there's a flood warning in Chilliwack, Agassiz and Yale.

Also, Akane is lvl 20! YAY

*dances*

*still dances*

*tapdances*

(fell, broke ankle)

OW.

>>

<<

...perhaps next time I shouldn't dance in the sink.

~

Investigative Report: The evils of Juicyfruit

2009-01-05T04:55:00.000-08:00

Well, today I trudged through 2ft deep snow to buy dogfood from the corner store, and I bought some gum.

Juicyfruit - Pink Watermelon Kiwi flavour

Here's the ingrediants, as well as an educated guess of what they are for.
-Note: I did not look it up yet.-

Ing. list:
Sorbitol (a sugar?)
Malitol (another sugar?)
Gum Base (chicle?)
Glycerin (to hold it together,perhaps?)
Gum Arabic (something to hold it together?)
Nat. & Art. Flavours (kiwi and watermelon flavouring, plus the trademarked Juicyfruit taste)
Mannitol (a THIRD sugar?)
Soy Lecithin (something soy that's in everything, it seems)
Citric Acid (that's the stuff in lemon juice)
Colour (pink, I assume, cause that's what they are)
Aspartame (for that annoying bitter aftertaste! Yay.)
Malic Acid (no clue)
Acesulfame-Potassium (well, sulf dreges up sulfer,and potassium is a vitamin)
Carnuba Wax (THIS I know, it's to preserve the 'look' of food)

Then in big bold letters:

ASPARTAME CONTAINS PHENYLALANINE

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

So, out of morbid curiousity, (and I just happened to be near my computer,) I Wiki'ed the ingrediants, and after reading, promptly tossed the package away.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Sorbitol

Sorbitol is used in "sugar-free" mints and various cough syrups and is usually listed under the inactive ingredients.
Sorbitol is a sugar substitute often used in diet foods (including diet drinks and ice cream) and sugar-free chewing gum. It also occurs naturally in many stone fruits and berries from trees of the genus Sorbus. Sorbitol is also referred to as a nutritive sweetener because it provides dietary energy.
Ingesting large amounts of sorbitol can lead to some abdominal pain, gas, and mild to severe diarrhea. (Lovely.)
Sorbitol ingestion of 20 grams/day (g/d) as sugar-free gum has led to severe diarrhea leading to unintended weight loss of 24 lbs in a 114 lb woman; another patient required hospitalization after habitually consuming 30g/d. Sorbitol can also aggravate irritable bowel syndrome and fructose malabsorption. Even in the absence of dietary sorbitol, cells produce sorbitol naturally. When too much sorbitol is produced inside cells, it can cause damage. Diabetic retinopathy and neuropathy may be related to excess sorbitol in the cells of the eyes and nerves.

Malitol

(First search with the correct spelling found nothing, then I found Ethyl maltol, which when Googled, confirmed it.)

This chemical has a sweet odor that can be described as caramalized sugar and cooked fruit. It is an important flavourant for the food, beverage, and fragrance industry.

Gum Base

Gum base is the non-nutritive, non-digestible, water-insoluble, (Doesn't that sound delicious?) masticatory delivery system used to carry sweeteners, flavors and any other desired substances in chewing gum and bubble gum. It provides all the basic textural and masticatory properties of gum.
(Whatever happened to Chicle?)

Glycerin

Glycerol is a chemical compound also commonly called glycerin or glycerine. It is a colorless, odorless, viscous liquid that is widely used in pharmaceutical formulations. For human consumption, Glycerol is classified by the FDA among the sugar alcohols as a caloric macronutrient.
Glycerol is sweet-tasting and of low toxicity. (Well, so long as it's only low.)
In foods and beverages, glycerol serves as a humectant, solvent and sweetener, and may help preserve foods. It is also used as filler in commercially prepared low-fat foods (e.g., cookies), and as a thickening agent in liqueurs. Glycerol also serves as a way, along with water, to preserve certain types of leaves. Glycerol is also used as a sugar substitute. In this regard, it has approximately 27 calories per teaspoon and is 60% as sweet as sucrose.

Gum Arabic

Gum arabic, also known as gum acacia, is a natural gum made of hardened sap taken from two species of the acacia tree. (This must be like the only natural ingrediant.)
Gum arabic is a complex mixture of saccharides and glycoproteins, which gives it its most useful property: it is perfectly edible. While historically used for printing, paint production, glue, and industrial applications, it continues to be used as an ingredient in foodstuffs. (No, you continually use it for the above, too.)
Gum arabic's (also known as Meska) mixture of saccharides and glycoproteins gives it the properties of a glue, and binder which is edible by humans. (Wait, wait, wait... first you got in trouble for eating paste as a kid, not you can get away with it? Oh, okay...)

Other substances have replaced it in situations where toxicity is not an issue, as the proportions of the various chemicals in gum arabic vary widely and make it unpredictable. Still, it remains an important ingredient in soft drink syrups, "hard" gummy candies such as gumdrops, marshmallows and M & M's chocolate candies

Nat. & Art. Flavours

(No comment.)

Mannitol

Mannitol is also used as a sweetener for people with diabetes. Since mannitol has a positive heat of solution, it is used as a sweetener in "breath-freshening" candies, the cooling effect adding to the fresh feel.

Soy Lecithin

Lecithin is regarded as a well-tolerated and non-toxic surfactant. It is approved by the United States Food and Drug Administration for human consumption with the status "Generally Recognized As Safe." Lecithin is an integral part of cell membranes, and can be totally metabolized, so it is virtually non-toxic to humans. Other emulsifiers can only be excreted via the kidneys.
Lecithin is used commercially in substances requiring a natural emulsifier and/or lubricant, from pharmaceuticals to protective coverings. For example, lecithin is the emulsifier that keeps cocoa and cocoa butter in a candy bar from separating.

Citric Acid

Citric acid is a weak organic acid, and is triprotic. It is a natural preservative and is also used to add an acidic, or sour, taste to foods and soft drinks.

Colour

No comment on this one.

Aspartame

Aspartame (or APM) (pronounced /ˈæspɚteɪm/ or /əˈspɑrteɪm/) is the name for an artificial, non-saccharide sweetener, aspartyl-phenylalanine-1-methyl ester; that is, a methyl ester of the dipeptide of the amino acids aspartic acid and phenylalanine.
Aspartame is an artificial sweetener. It is 180 times sweeter than sugar in typical concentrations, without the high energy value of sugar. (I thought you ate sugar for the rush?)

Malic Acid

Malic acid is an organic compound with the formula HO2CCH2CHOHCO2H. This dicarboxylic acid is the active ingredient in many sour or tart foods.
Malic acid, when added to food products, is denoted by E number E296. Malic acid is the source of extreme tartness in so-called "extreme candy", for example Mega Warheads or Sour Punch candies. It is also used with or in place of the less sour citric acid in sour sweets such as Jolly Ranchers, SweeTarts and Salt & Vinegar flavor potato chips. (There go the rest of my faves...)
These sweets are sometimes labeled with a warning that excessive consumption can cause irritation of the mouth.

Acesulfame-Potassium

Acesulfame potassium is a calorie-free artificial sweetener, also known as Acesulfame K or Ace K (K being the symbol for potassium), and marketed under the trade names Sunett and Sweet One.
Acesulfame K is 180-200 times sweeter than sucrose (table sugar), as sweet as aspartame, about half as sweet as saccharin, and one-quarter as sweet as sucralose. Like saccharin, it has a slightly bitter aftertaste, especially at high concentrations. Kraft Foods has patented the use of sodium ferulate to mask acesulfame's aftertaste. Acesulfame K is often blended with other sweeteners (usually sucralose or aspartame). These blends are reputed to give a more sugar-like taste whereby each sweetener masks the other's aftertaste, and/or exhibits a synergistic effect by which the blend is sweeter than its components.

Carnuba Wax

Carnauba is a wax derived from the leaves of the carnauba palm, Copernicia prunifera, a plant native to and grown only in the northeastern Brazilian states of Piauí, Ceará, and Rio Grande do Norte. It is known as "queen of waxes" and usually comes in the form of hard yellow-brown flakes. It is obtained from the leaves of the carnauba palm by collecting them, beating them to loosen the wax, then refining and bleaching the wax.
In foods, it is used as a formulation aid, lubricant, release agent, anticaking agent, and surface finishing agent in baked foods and mixes, chewing gum, confections, frostings, fresh fruits and juices, gravies, sauces, processed fruits and juices, soft candy, Tic Tacs and Altoids.

------------

PHENYLALANINE=

Phenylalanine (abbreviated as Phe or F) is an amino acid with the formula HO2CCH(NH2)CH2C6H5, which is found naturally in the breast milk of mammals and manufactured for food and drink products and are also sold as nutritional supplements for their reputed analgesic and antidepressant effects.

---

Phenylalanine is structurally closely related to dopamine, epinepherine (adrenaline) and tyrosine.
Dopamine can be supplied as a medication that acts on the sympathetic nervous system, producing effects such as increased heart rate and blood pressure.
Epinephrine (also referred to as adrenaline) is a hormone and neurotransmitter.

*Vinyl screech*
Say what? Adrenaline?

Tyrosine (abbreviated as Tyr or Y) or 4-hydroxyphenylalanine, is one of the 20 amino acids that are used by cells to synthesize proteins. This is a non-essential amino acid and it is found in casein.
(That's cheese, for all you LI sufferers out there.)
A non food source of phenylalanine is the artificial sweetener aspartame. This compound, sold under the trade names "Equal" and "NutraSweet", is metabolized by the body into several chemical byproducts including phenylalanine. The breakdown problems phenylketonurics have with protein and the attendant build up of phenylalanine in the body also occurs with the ingestion of aspartame, although to a lesser degree. Accordingly, all products in Australia, the U.S. and Canada that contain aspartame must be labeled: "Phenylketonurics: Contains phenylalanine."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Well, given the processes in this world, it's hard to avoid genetically modified food or chemicals. Think about it: cows, for example, are given growth hormone injections to make them grow faster... Faster growth makes for faster shipments to the market. Those hormones end up in the meat and milk that we eat. No chicken lives to see her 6th week, as she's slaughtered to ship to our tables. Most processed foods are pumped full of preservatives to extend their shelflife.

The sad part is the repercussions of eating this food. Hormones that are fed to livestock aren't meant for humans. Preservatives are in everything, from cookies to soup.

Then again, on the flipside... we all might just end up living to be 300.

~Cryst

Labels of Babel (poem) PG-13

2009-01-03T17:45:00.001-08:00

I hate labels...

there's hippies & yuppies & greenies
and hippies & yuppies & greenies...
and hippies & yuppies & greenies & Kooris & junkies & drinkies,
there's smokers & tokers & dope-theives & jokers & mopers!
there's ball-kickers & ball hitters & ball-tearers with pit bull terriers.

there's drummers & dancers & dip-sticks & dubbos
yobos & touros & musos & preggos & embryos,
journos & photos & lezzos & homo sapiens & hetero sapiens
...& never-for-their-lives gonna be sapiens!

there's stoned builders & mud brickers & organic-effluent-powered
plumbers 'n joiners, metal men & amazons...
and the goddess in the kitchen.

there's painters & poets (thank god!) & potters
and butchers-&-bakers-&-candle-stick-makers
cobblers-&-weavers-&-wood-turners-&-tailors,
mad hatters & mask-makers & face painters
and glass-bead-game shakers.

there's yogis & bubbas & babies & swamis
and shaman & she-men & sufis & surfers & skaters & bikers,
and ferals & herbals & healers & dealers & wankers & yankies & jappies
& gerries & frenchies & pommies & mad irish (to be sure/ to be sure)
to be shi'ite to be shiva to be shipwrecked!
to be washed-out/ watered-down/ unemployed/ uninspired
to be youth (yuk!) to be a teenager (worse still ),
and secondary/ primary/ infant/ pre school/ day care/ after care
...careless carefree without-a-care!
to be unheard/ unknown/ just to be seen & smelt & past-on-the-street...
a pedestrian a shopper a robber a dobber a copper a crim
a loiterer a waiter a talker a laser-tongued-lizard...
an outpatient a schizo a dipso a zombie a runaway,
to be a coffee stop/ to be froth...
and farmers & grazers & graders & dozers,
horticos & aggros/ to be a shooter...to be shot!

there's cyber punks & funkies & goblins & gothics & rastas & rats,
day-trippers & night-trippers & trapped-in-their-trips
tripped-out trippy-trekkers & turned-on tantric tale-tellers,
divine-lighters & cloud-liners & takeaway diners...

there's ex-lawyers & ex-doctors & ex-priests
and ex-exes & just exes...
and ex-teachers & ex-dropouts & ex-krishnas
and we all await the ex-police commissioner.

in my village there are people just called X, & Y, & Y-not,
and Zoomer & Zero & Zara & Zorro & Tonto,
in Nimbin there are plenty of kids called:
Sun, Moon, Sky, Tree, River, Rainforest

and Marley & Charlie & Che & Chai & Ty
and Teabag & Tick & Flea & Fly...( I kid you not )...
and Fallow & Tallow & Taro & Yarrow & Zen,
and Tansy & Pansy & Ebony & Ivory & Barbie & Ken,
and Cheech & Chong & Beach & Thong & Bong ( the list goes on & on ),
there's Felix & Phoenix & Hunter & Ryder & Blossom & Leaf & Dove
and Raven & Haven & Heaven & Kevin & Melody & Harmony
and Tempest & Serena & Storm & Norm & Rosebud & Thorn.

there are young men who are so 'tourf', 'cos they just can't get 'enourf',
'cos they only get to surf...on 2 feet of concrete turf,
there are skateboard chasing yuppies & punks with pet puppies,
with chains from their knees to their toes to their navel to their nose
to their eyebrows to their foreskin to their tit!
( and it doesn't hurt a bit! except when then laugh! or try to take a bath! )

there are the little-old-ladies who worry about the babies
being bitten by the crazies with HIV-rabies, & worst of all...scabies!
the blue rinse, the plaited, the bald & the matted -
there are merchants & vendors & 20-minute money lenders,
there are pub crawlers & street brawlers & pall bearers & hall carers;

there's DMR & RTA, DEA & CES, SS & CSO's,
there's DO's & plenty of OD's, there's MO's & Oms...
ordinance officers, ambulance officers, project officers
and case managers ( on your case ).

there's youth workers & needle workers & council workers
and street sweepers & toilet cleaners who used to be dreamers;
there are movie makers & cake bakers/ on-the-make takers & crystal ball fakers
and didgeridoo wielding natty-dreadlocked-congo-bongo-hippie-trippy-shakers!

there are narcs dressed as nuns dressed as surfies wearing guns/
there are school boys dressed as home-boys who've run away from home,
they got much-too-much attitude to live in a tipi or a dome ( thank you mum )...
they're tough & independent/ they got speed they got no car/
they say "I'm an individual" ( dressed as an american basketball star )

slam-dunkin' & funky-junkin'/ the writing's on the wall
but if the graffiti's bad for business hear the developer scream the call:
call a meeting! call the media! call the public! fill the hall!
call the police! call the choppers! or watch my village rise & fall...

to be lovers/ to be leftovers/ to be left-right-up-downers/
to be around & around & around & arounders,
weekend-workshoppers & co-dependent conference-hoppers/
mid-life crises for midwives with vices & shotgun divorces over hemp & horses...
to be labels/ to be bloody labeled!
to be glue-sniffers of stick-on-labels right here in cafes on the streets of Babel...
on the road from Babel to Babylon to Bourke & back to Nimbin.

~David Hallett

Cold Hard Facts (poem) [PG-13]

2009-01-02T20:22:00.000-08:00
“Move closer to the wall, my son, and speak into the grille
Confession is the saviour of the soul
If there’s something on your conscience, if you’re feeling weak or ill
Confess... and ye shall once again be whole!
Ask the lord for his salvation, he is waiting for your call”
“I’m afraid I’ve sinned too greatly” said the voice behind the wall.

“Let’s see if I have got it straight - your wife... her name is Liza
She’s inclined to wear her dresses rather short
She was bending over looking for an ice cream in the freezer
When you, behind her, had this lustful thought
She had to lean way over, for she isn’t very tall...”
“And I wanted chocolate brickle” said the voice behind the wall.

“Now, I know you’re newly-married (since you made your vows before us)
But married people often act up thus
It sometimes spoils the pleasure if the sex is too decorous
So I see no reason why to make a fuss
Perhaps your wife objected... did she try to start a brawl?”
“No... I think she rather liked it” said the voice behind the wall.

“Then go, my son, I find no blame... your actions may be kinky
Tell Liza to be careful with her dress
Next time she looks for ice cream to wear something long and slinky
Then her husband will have nothing to confess
We will not throw you out of church... I find no sin at all...”
“Well they threw us out of Woolworths!” said the voice behind the wall.

~Charlee Marshall

Plain English (poem)

2009-01-02T20:13:00.000-08:00
Remember the days when people were sane?
Customs were kept and English was plain?
Polite conversation focused on rain,
and couples held hands along Lovers Lane.

Rock was a boulder or seaside sweet,
men opened doors and gave up their seat,
the trains and the buses arrived when they should,
kids were young goats and faggots meant wood.

Couples were wed, then babies were born,
grass was thin green stuff, en mass called a lawn,
Big Mac was a raincoat, too large to fit tight,
old ladies felt safe in the street late at night.

Joy-riding was something you did on a sledge,
pot was a vessel for boiling the veg.,
joint was the meat, the great Sunday roast,
junk went in bins not sent in the post.

Gay people were happy, bad didn't mean good,
wellies weren't wanged but worn in the mud,
wicked meant evil and cool meant cold,
balls were round objects cricketers bowled.

Songs had a melody, books had a plot,
a man in a skirt was always a Scot,
a tart and a crumpet were things that you ate,
and coke was a substance burnt in the grate.

Remember the days when people were sane?
Customs were kept and English was plain?

~Nikki Barker

Spell Check (poem)

2009-01-02T20:10:00.000-08:00
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

~Anon.

2009-01-02T04:35:00.001-08:00
Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here.
Life is skittles and life is beer.
I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring.
I do, don't you? 'Course you do.
But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me,
And makes ev'ry Sunday a treat for me.

All the world seems in tune
On a spring afternoon,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.
Ev'ry Sunday you'll see
My sweetheart and me,
As we poison the pigeons in the park.

When they see us coming, the birdies all try an' hide,
But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide.
The sun's shining bright,
Ev'rything seems all right,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

Lalaalaalalaladoodiedieedoodoodoo

We've gained notoriety,
And caused much anxiety
In the Audubon Society
With our games.
They call it impiety,
And lack of propriety,
And quite a variety
Of unpleasant names.
But it's not against any religion
To want to dispose of a pigeon.

So if Sunday you're free,
Why don't you come with me,
And we'll poison the pigeons in the park.
And maybe we'll do
In a squirrel or two,
While we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

We'll murder them all amid laughter and merriment.
Except for the few we take home to experiment.
My pulse will be quickenin'
With each drop of strychnine
We feed to a pigeon.
It just takes a smidgin!
To poison a pigeon in the park.

~Tom Lehrer

A Christmas Carol (Poem)

2009-01-01T23:49:00.000-08:00
Christmas time is here, by golly,
Disapproval would be folly,
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and don't say "when."
Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens,
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother, here we go again.

On Christmas Day you can't get sore,
Your fellow man you must adore,
There's time to rob him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Relations, sparing no expense'll
Send some useless old utensil,
Or a matching pen and pencil.
"Just the thing I need! How nice!"
It doesn't matter how sincere it
Is, nor how heartfelt the spirit,
Sentiment will not endear it,
What's important is the price.

Hark the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry, merchants,
May you make the Yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high
Tell us to go out and buy!

So let the raucous sleigh bells jingle,
Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle,
Driving his reindeer across the sky.
Don't stand underneath when they fly by.

~Tom Lehrer

My Bubble Wrap score

2009-01-01T15:30:00.001-08:00
^^

I pop bubble wrap at 14.85 bubbles per second!

I popped 196 bubbles in 13.9 seconds
at www.Virtual-Bubblewrap.com!
Can you beat my score?

Happy New Year

2009-01-01T00:15:00.001-08:00
Well, I spent mine watching Dick Clark drop the ball in Times Square, drinking cider with mom whilst online with my Mally. ^^

So, with both my loves, as how New Years should be...

HAPPY NEW YEARS, EVERYONE!!

English is really crazy…

2008-12-30T23:07:00.000-08:00
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

I caught a...

2008-12-30T04:32:00.000-08:00
...tree?

It's a christmas tree... that's unclickable.
Serously, click it. It gains no views at all.

*scratches head in befuddlement*

Jerky

2008-12-29T20:16:00.000-08:00
Jerky is meat that has been cut into strips trimmed of fat, marinated in a spicy, salty or sweet liquid and then dried with low heat (usually under 70°C/160°F) or occasionally salted and sun-dried. The result is a salty, stripped, semi-sweet snack that can be stored without refrigeration. Jerky is an early application of food preservation techniques.

History and origins
The word "jerky" comes from the Quechua term Charqui, which means "to burn (meat)".

Drying has always been a common way to preserve meat. By drying in thin slices in the sun and wind next to a smoky fire, the meat is protected from insects that would otherwise lay eggs in the raw meat. Ancient peoples—for example, the Inca—prepared jerky from the animals they hunted or husbanded.

Preparation
Any particular preparation or recipe for jerky typically uses only one type of meat. Of the many types of meat that may be used, beef is the most common. Meat from other animals—such as wild game, venison, elk, caribou, kangaroo and moose—is also used. Recently, other meats have come to market, such as turkey, ostrich, salmon, alligator, and tuna. The meat must be dried quickly, to limit bacterial growth during the critical period where the meat is not yet dry. To do this, the meat is thinly sliced, or pressed thinly, in the case of ground meat. Meat undergoes drying at low temperatures, to avoid cooking it or drying it heavily to the point where it is brittle.

In present-day factories jerky ovens are made of insulated panels. Inside these large ovens are many heater elements and fans with exhaust ports to remove moisture-laden air. The combination of fast moving air and low heat dries the meat to the desired moisture content within a few hours. The raw marinated jerky strips are placed on racks of nylon screens which have been sprayed with a light vegetable oil to allow the meat to be removed easily. The screen trays are placed closely in layers on rolling carts which are then put in the drying oven.

Some other form of preservative in addition to the drying process is often used in the preparation of jerky. Smoking was the traditional method, as it preserved, flavored, and dried the meat simultaneously. Salting is the most common method used today, as it both provides seasoning to improve the flavor as well as preserve the meat. While some methods involve applying the seasonings with a marinade, this can increase the drying time by adding moisture to the meat.

Much like numerous types of foods produced, there are some jerky products that are made naturally and organically. Natural and organic jerky makers use meat from animals which are raised on organic feed and minimally processed. These animals are not treated with hormone enhancement and are not fed animal by-products. Additionally, these jerky products are gluten free.

Packaged
After the jerky is dried to the proper moisture content to prevent spoilage, it is cooled, then packaged in re-sealable plastic bags, either by nitrogen gas flushed or vacuumed packed. In order to prevent spoilage, the sealed packages often contain small pouches of oxygen absorber. These small packets are filled with iron particles which work to retain oxygen and excess moisture that may be present, or from air introduced after the seal is broken (due to partial consumption).

Most of the fat must be trimmed off prior to drying the meat, as fat does not dry, thus creating the potential for spoilage as the fat becomes rancid (modern vacuum packing and chemical preservatives have served to help prevent these risks).

Because of the necessary low fat and moisture content, jerky is high in protein. A 30g (about 1 oz) portion of lean meat, for example, contains about 7 g of protein. By removing 15 g of water from the meat, the protein ratio is doubled to nearly 15 g of protein per 30 g portion. In some low moisture varieties, a 30 g serving will contain 21 grams of protein, and only one gram of fat. This leads to the high price of such brands of jerky, as it takes 90 g of 99% lean meat to generate that 30 gram serving.

There are many products in the marketplace which are sold as jerky which consist of highly processed, chopped and formed meat, rather than traditional sliced, whole-muscle meat. These artificial products, with their far higher fat and water content, often include chemical preservatives to prevent spoilage.

A typical 30 g portion of jerky contains 10-15 g of protein, 1 g of fat, and 0-3 g of carbohydrates. Since traditional jerky recipes use a basic salt cure, sodium can be a concern for some people. A 30 g serving of jerky could contain more than 600 mg of sodium, which would be about 30% of the recommended USRDA.

Unpackaged
Unpackaged fresh jerky made from sliced, whole-muscle meat has been available in specialty stores in Hong Kong at least since the 1970s. The products are purchasable by kilograms, and customers choose from 10 to 20 types of meat used to make the product. Some are sold in strands instead of slices. Macau has opened up numerous specialty shops also, many of which are franchise extensions of stores from Hong Kong. Compared to the sealed packaged versions, unpackaged jerky has a relatively short expiration date.

This type of jerky has also become very popular in convenience stores in the USA. This product is called "slab" jerky and is usually marketed in plexiglass containers.

Availability
Traditional jerky, made from sliced, whole-muscle meat, is readily available in the United States and Canada in varying meats, brands and qualities, both as packaged and unpackaged. These products are available in nearly every convenience store, gas station, supermarket, and variety shop in those countries.

A similar product is made from processed meat, is often labeled as jerky. This product is also widely available, and generally much cheaper, in general interest stores such as supermarkets and convenience stores.

Also popular is shredded jerky sold in containers resembling snuff or dip. Jerky made in the traditional style is also a ubiquitous staple of farmers' markets in rural areas all over North America.

In addition to being quite common in the United States and Canada, jerky is also gaining popularity in supermarkets, convenience stores and online retailers. In Australia and New Zealand, jerky products are available and becoming more common. They are carried by some major supermarkets, and now also smaller stores.

A similar product, biltong, is common in South African cuisine; however, it differs very much in production process and taste.

Since 1996, jerky has been selected by astronauts several times for space flight due to its light weight and high level of nutrition.

(Article ruthlessly stolen from Wikipedia... I didn't write it, so there.)

Oh, wow

2008-12-29T18:24:00.001-08:00
I re-found this amazing song on Youtube:

Triforce Majeure, by Disco Dan
It's worth it, so let it load.
Download it here: http://www.ocremix.org/remix/OCR01184

Written by djpretzel:
Part of my love for this ReMix's title comes from the fact that I thought of it; Dan was blank and I suggested this and he was cool with it. I'm actually a bit miffed now because I can't use it for my own purposes, but sharing is caring or so they say. Beyond a snappy mix title, this is a GREAT ReMix - instant classic. It incorporates the best elements of Dan's style with a flair for the dramatic, a satisfying degree of length and variation, and some infectious beats.

It takes its own sweet time to get going, introing with a pad swell and a bell/clarinet statement of the verse melody in a tense, mysterious atmosphere, with bass pizzicato hinting at the bassline to come, then the beat filters its way in at the first minute mark, the bass gets goin', and at 1'22" some slick brass stabs join the fray. Main synth verse melody comes in at 1'35" with a nice gulpy analog lead with a lovely filter envelope. There's then what I'd call an extended bridge with some fast arpeggios and string stabs leading up to the GREAT main event at 2'40", where majestic orchestra stabs really let loose.

The whole thing is watertight, with sequencing that keeps the beat right on top of things. It's not too easy to queue up orchestral with techno this tightly, with this many rapid, repeating patterns, and that's where this mix really shines - couldn't have been done any other way, and Dan pulled it off without exception. Love the percussion solo tradeoffs at 4'20", which leads into an alternate, retro drumset being layered in on top of the heavier kit and the mix going back into the verse. This is a 7'22" ReMix, people, and not only is the encoding ace, but you're gonna love all 7+ minutes. Dan's style screams for a varied melody of this strength, and while he's had great success with the Mega Man games, this particular track had his name written on it. Very addictive, amazingly well-architected, and in a word: tight.

Randomness

2008-12-29T17:16:00.000-08:00

I found this off of a website. Lol.

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, and somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey did?"

The guy says, "No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little retard. Sorry. I'll pay for everything."

The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?" replied the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, pulled it out and ate it!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. He still eats everything in sight but, ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first."

A priest, a pastor, and a wise guy are in a boat.
The priest said, "I'm thirsty."
He steps out on the water, marches across it, and grabs a soda from a vending machine before walking back.
After a few moments, the pastor complains he's hungry, and does the same.
The wise guy doesn't want to be shown up by no holy people, so he yells, "MY TURN!" He bounds out...and sinks like a stone.
The priest looks at the pastor and says, "Y'think we should have told him where the rocks were?"

A guy was drowning his sorrows in a bar when two squirells walk in and order some nuts.
The guy stares for a while before his curiosity gets the better of him.
"How did you guys learn to talk?" He asked.
The squirrels look at him, then reply, "Wow, you're drunk, there's only one of me."

The llama people will one day defeat the Kiwis in an epic battle before unleashing the lemmings in hopes of causing an epic world-wide thought: cheerios taste delicious with milk.

Fear the llamas!

"Cows getting killed by chickens, the cows vomiting chickens, the octopuses attacking the chickens, but they miss and attack the ufos which go down and destroy the citys while the midgets of the world kill all the non midgets, then the lions attack the midgets, the elephants crush the lions, the butterflies hybrid with the snakes, then bomb all the major cities with all the people dead and all the animals dead but the snake butterflies hybrid, they resort to cannablism and eat each other and eventully the earth implodes and that's what the book 'the three little pigs' was about....."

And that's how little Billy got a F in reading. XD

Laugh, dammit!
DONT MAKE ME GET THE REALLY HOT FRENCH FRY...

Cam: Wow, you're random when you're bored.
Cryst: I know!
Cam: I never knew it was possible to achieve such incompetence.
Cryst: Thanks! ...wait, what?

A Christmas Blessing

2008-12-25T08:01:00.000-08:00
'Dear Lord,
We thank you for our health...
...but let us not forget those who are sick.
We thank you for our wealth...
...but let us not forget those who are poor.
We thank you for our food...
...but let us not forget those who are hungry.
We thank you for our friends and family...
...but let us never forget those who are alone.'

~Cryst

"Merry Christmas"

2008-12-25T07:44:00.000-08:00
Here's how to wish people "Merry Christmas" in more than 80 different languages...

Afrikaans - 'n Geseende Kersfees en 'n voorspoedige Nuwejaar
Afrikaans - Een Plesierige Kerfees
Albanian -- Gezuar Krishtlindje
Arabic - I'd Miilad Said Oua Sana Saida
Armenian - Shenoraavor Nor Dari yev Pari Gaghand
Azeri - Tezze Iliniz Yahsi Olsun
Basque - Zorionstsu Eguberri. Zoriontsu Urte Berri On
Bengali - Bodo Din Shubh Lamona
Bohemian - Vesele Vanoce
Breton - Nedeleg laouen na bloavezh mat
Bulgarian - Tchestita Koleda; Tchestito Rojdestvo Hristovo
Celtic - Nadolig Llawen a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda
Chinese -
(Mandarin) Kung His Hsin Nien bing Chu Shen Tan
(Cantonese) Gun Tso Sun Tan'Gung Haw Sun
(Hong Kong) Kung Ho Hsin Hsi. Ching Chi Shen Tan
Cornish - Nadelik looan na looan blethen noweth
Cree - Mitho Makosi Kesikansi
Croatian - Sretan Bozic
Czech - Prejeme Vam Vesele Vanoce a stastny Novy Rok
Danish - Gladelig Jul
Dutch - Vrolijk Kerstfeest en een Gelukkig Nieuwjaar
English - Merry Christmas
Esperanto - Gajan Kristnaskon
Estonian - Roomsaid Joulu Puhi
Farsi - Cristmas-e-shoma mobarak bashad
Finnish - Hyvaa joulua
French - Joyeux Noel
Frisian - Noflike Krystdagen en in protte Lok en Seine yn it Nije Jier
German - Froehliche Weihnachten
Greek - Kala Christouyenna
Hawaiian - Mele Kalikimaka
Hebrew - Mo'adim Lesimkha. Chena tova
Hindi - Bada Din Mubarak Ho
Hungarian - Kellemes Karacsonyi unnepeket
Icelandic - Gledileg Jol
Indonesian - Selamat Hari Natal
Iraqi - Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah
Irish - Nollaig Shona Dhuit
Italian - Buon Natale or Buone Feste Natalizie
Japanese - Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto
Kala - Khristougena kai Eftikhes to Neon Etos
Korean - Sung Tan Chuk Ha
Latvian - Priecigus Ziemas Svetkus un Laimigu Jauno Gadu
Lettish - Priecigus Ziemassvetkus
Lithuanian - Linksmu Kaledu
Manx - Nollick ghennal as blein vie noa
Maori - Meri Kirihimete
Marathi - Shub Naya Varsh
Navajo - Merry Keshmish
Northern Sotho - Matlhatse le matlhogonolo mo ngwageng o moswa.
Norwegian - God Jul Og Godt Nytt Aar
Pennsylvania German - En frehlicher Grischtdaag un en hallich Nei
Yaahr
Papiamento - Bon Pasku i Felis Anja Nobo
Pig Latin - Errymay ristmaskay
Polish - Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia
Portuguese - Feliz Natal (Used in Portugal, Brazil and several former Portuguese colonies)
Rapa-Nui - Mata-Ki-Te-Rangi. Te-Pito-O-Te-Henua
Romanian - Craciun Fericit
Russian - Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva i s Novim Godom
Samoan - La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou
Serbian - Hristos se rodi
Scottish - Nollaig Chridheil agus Bliadhna Mhath Ur
Serbian - Hristos se rodi
Singhalese - Subha nath thalak Vewa. Subha Aluth Awrudhak Vewa
Slavonic - Christos Razdajetsja! Slavite Jeho!
Slovak - Sretan Bozic or Vesele vianoce. A stastlivy Novy Rok
Slovene - Vesele Bozicne. Screcno Novo Leto
Spanish - Feliz Navidad (Used in Spain as well as Mexico and most of Central and South America)
Swahili - Krismasi Njema
Swedish - God Jul and (Och) Ett Gott Nytt Ar
Tagalog - Maligayamg Pasko. Masaganang Bagong Taon
Tamil - Nathar Puthu Varuda Valthukkal
Thai - Sawat Dee Wan Kritsamas
Turkish - Noeliniz Ve Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun
Ukrainian - Srozhdestvom Kristovym
Urdu - Bara Din Mubarak Ho
Vietnamese - Chung Mung Giang Sinh
Waray - Maupay nga Pasko ngan Mainuswagon nga Bag-o nga Tu-ig
Welsh - Nadolig Llawen
Zulu - Nginifisela inhlanhla ne mpumelelo e nyakeni.

...and warm wishes to you.

Ssendrek & Symona

2008-12-19T17:01:00.000-08:00
I just 'adopted' two creatures, but these don't need clickies.
Ssyndrek and Symona are brother and sister.
According to the site...

Demon Name: Ssendrek

Hailed As: The Evil Of Betrayal

Age: 120,000 years

Reputation: Highly Evil

Any Other Notes: Once brother to Symona, this creature was swayed by the forces of evil and now remains a corrupted figure for all eternity, unable to distinguish his sister from any other foe.

---
and
---

Pure Name: Symona

Hailed As: The Purity Of Spirit

Age: 110,000 years

Reputation: Highly Good

Any Other Notes: As younger sister to Ssendrek, this Purity has somewhat of a wavering allegiance to the side of good when it comes to battling her own sibling. However, this Purity glows brightly and strong, forging ever onward in the war against darkness motivated by the forces within her blood...

----------

Anyhow, they're cool, so here they are.
No need to click them to level up, or anything.
[Besides, I disabled the HTML.] XD

Walkthroughs

2008-12-19T13:49:00.000-08:00
WOW, I found this site...
Although, in retrospect, I might just be a tad behind the masses.
It's for Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time Dungeon maps.

http://www.zelda.com/ocarina/downloads.html

Also it's snowing again.

A Reminder...

2008-12-18T20:06:00.002-08:00
Just so you know, comments are enabled in case anybody wanted to give feedback or constructive criticism...

That aside, I am yet again plagued with a male silver dragon.
(Why me?) Now I have THREE.
Is it too much to ask for only ONE pure cave-bred female?
I only wanted one...

I have named him Damian Hertz, which means 'Sweet and/or harmless' and 'My strife' appropriately.

---

What else?
Oh yeah, I made sugar cookies this morning. The recipe worked like a charm, and if you want it, leave a nice comment for me. ^^

Temperature

2008-12-18T08:17:00.000-08:00
It's still -10 here, and the wind is harder now...

And the house it c-c-cold! *shiver*

We have icicles on the roof a FOOT LONG.

Oi.

Today I'll be walking into town [not so bad, only 4kms] but it'll be in shin-deep snow.

Yay.

Exhaustion

2008-12-17T14:41:00.000-08:00
Well, it took me the better of TWO HOURS just to do my driveway.

*shiver*

I'm going to hoof it into town to do shopping, then i'll consider knocking off the icicles.

...But I'll probably play Mario Kart Wii instead. XD

Does anybody have a flying Yoshi I can borrow?

----------------------------------

Snowfall

2008-12-17T12:22:00.000-08:00

Good Lord! The weather has turned around!
It's currently -10 and there's 4 inches of snow outside... and it's the powdery stuff, perfect for skiing, not play.
It's blowing up a storm, too.

We have icicles hanging off the roof already a half-foot long. 0_o

As for me, I'm going outside to shovel the driveway...
And the porch...
And the satellite dish...
And the other porch...

----------------------------------

We're here!

2008-12-03T18:52:00.000-08:00
*waves*
Hi, i'm LuigiFan; call me that or LF, and I won't mind.
Macko J. is my, i repeat, my bodyguard/pet. He goes wherever i go, so deal with it.

I have an avid interest in Luigi, Link, and Yoshies, and I write blogs about them.
I'm a spriter, a writer in fan-fiction, and an artist.
I have babies here:

That's all I can think of for now, so see ya!

LuigiFan's Corner

Holyyyyyy Smokes

What's up...

Collage Application (joke)

This is why I don't associate with my neighbours.

Super Mario Galaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaxy 2

Lolz

Winter-een-mas Log

Loot

Oy, the PAIN

Christmas parties

Christmas Whiskey Cake

IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS?

Busy, busy, busy (lies)

Hello

ARGH

Random morning minis

Mmmmyeah...

I so want this on my car.

Well, (I have a twin)

And so she rises from the grave like an undead Dry Bones...

This is not a new post.

And history repeats itself...

Update

Birthday Loot

Boralions

...what goes here again?...

Busy, busy, busy...

Parrot Jokes

When Hell Froze over

What am I?

Commencement

My cat is milktreading the tail of Spence.

YAAAAAYYYYY

News

Quantum of Silence

I feel so broken.

SMB3 Mural

The Merciless Peppers of Quetzlzacatenango

UPDATE of epic proportions...

Happy Mario Day!!

Wow, who saw this coming? (other than us gamers)

What you DONT want to hear while having surgery...

Drop the load!

Death affair

Note

Mario Do-right, Italian Mountie

Tears of Joy

Booyah

Random quotes...

Random Quotes About Love (PG)

Update

The computer is a cheating b*stard...

Great Joke I've read in ages...

Why we shouldn't live life strictly by what's written in a book.

Do the Roomba Rumba *dances*

NICKELBACK - Gotta Be Somebody (vid)

I got one, I finally got one!

Ever think about...

Platform Hell

Truths

Note

Article - Yoshisaur

Recipe - Cornbread

FEMALE!!!

Plea

Aha!

The Handbag (poem)

Spring must be in the air...

Joke...

Hmmm...

Luigi in 60 seconds (video)

Know Gnus Iz Güd Gnus...

Update

Investigative Report: The evils of Juicyfruit

Labels of Babel (poem) PG-13

Cold Hard Facts (poem) [PG-13]

Plain English (poem)

Spell Check (poem)

A Christmas Carol (Poem)

Do the Roomba Rumba dances